A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Question for the Happily married men : would you go away for 26 days to another country to visit your family if you're wife couldn't go? Would you book the trip without consulting her about the length of time?After I raised an issue with month long getaways in the past, my BF of 3 years who claims he wants to be married , booked a 26 day trip to see his family. When I said I'm upset that he broke his promise of a month, he said , "it's not a month. It's 26 days. Get your facts straight "Manipulative, right ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 January 2016):
 Well then his actions tell you all you need to know.
do not listen to his words...words lie... WHAT a person does is what they mean to happen.
his actions say "YOU DO NOT MATTER to me as as much as MY blood family or my own feelings"
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@SoVeryConfused - yes - I said "please look at flights to come home early" and after a week and a half when he didn't , I said ! I'm doing my own thing. A week went by. I told him I'm booking a vacation and asked him to come home 4 days early to join me. He said he couldn't. He's with his family. Clearly this guy is not thinking of me as family and is doing whatever he wants.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@SoVeryConfused - yes - I said "please look at flights to come home early" and after a week and a half when he didn't , I said I'm doing my own thing. A week went by. I told him I'm booking a vacation and asked him to come home 4 days early to join me. He said he couldn't. He's with his family. Clearly this guy is not thinking of me as family and is doing whatever he wants.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 January 2016):
So he offered to return earlier... did you say "yes please when are you coming back?"
and he has done nothing to fix this.... that's passive aggressive behavior because he does not wish to come back early.
IF you are this angry... people do not change... he will always be able and want to travel like this...
end it. And tell him why. "I'm sorry I feel like you don't respect me or my wishes and I do not think it is in my best interest emotionally to continue with this relationship"
THEN end it. walk away... don't play games.
YOU are not happy
YOU can't change him.... you can only change and control yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm still having trouble dealing with this. He offered to pay for me to go or return home early - but I can't go and he hasn't even looked for earlier flights home. He makes stuff up like this and I'm furious with him breaking his promise in the first place by going for essentially a month, and not consulting me. I feel like I should be done and start dating other people because of the complete lack of respect?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you - so very confused. It is the spirit of the agreement. I couldn't put my finger on why I felt so betrayed. He also hates when I go away - for a weekend - without him so I find I quite annoying.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 December 2015):
My happily married husband hates to travel and has no family he likes so no he would not go.
He also shares his home and his income with me so he checks on everything with me.
He does not like to be apart from me so he would not do this.
I on the other hand have a LOT more leave at work than he does and would go away for as long as he would tolerate it without him in a NY second.
Would i book a trip without asking my SPOUSE? no.
Would I book a trip without consulting someone I cared about that it would affect (i.e. best friend or romantic partner) NO
As for manipulation... no it's not manipulation, he is in effect saying the truth... if your agreement was "no trips of a month or longer without consultation" then technically he is complying totally with the agreement.
The issue is the spirit of the agreement is being broken and you are hurt and he does not care.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 December 2015):
 It's not a month, but darn close.
I think you two are being absolutely silly. YOU are not married to him, he can go visit his family as he pleases and YOU can go travelling if you WISH to do so without him as well. Do you live together? Do you share bills? If not... then I don't really see the big issue here.
Once you are married and share a house and finances it will be another issue, as must people can't just bugger off for a month - because bills are still due whether you are on vacation or not.
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