A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupids,There's this guy that I dated for a couple months, until I broke it off with him. I've never really had a relationship and I've never been in love, and I just suddenly got scared that it was moving too fast, so I chickened out. He suggested that we stay friends, and I agreed because he's a great guy, so we stayed in touch. After a couple weeks I thought that maybe I'd made a mistake and it could work out, but he said he'd already found someone else and, even if that didn't work out, it would be better if we would be just friends.So I get what he's saying and I still want him in my life, but lately he's been contacting me more than ever (but still dating the other girl), and we get along so great that he's now in my mind all the time. I don't think I'm in love, but I am really attracted to him and I know he's attracted to me as well. He keeps making sexual jokes and calling me pretty, saying I have sex appeal. Now he suggested we meet up next thursday to watch a movie and chat, but it's Valentine's day (I don't even know if he realizes) and he wouldn't be able to see that other girl anyway because she lives in his hometown, that he only visits in the weekends.I just don't understand, why does he keep in touch so much (like every day)? Does he really just want to be friends? I don't think he would ever do anything with me because he's such an upstanding guy, but I think maybe he's sexually frustrated because the other girl is really young and won't put out. So maybe he needs the banter as an outlet?And do you think we could still be friends when all I want to do is rip off his shirt?
View related questions:
sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo, I don't know if you're still following this but I wanted to give you an update.I met up with him again last tuesday, and afterward I felt really shitty like you said I would. Of course I know I'm doing it to myself, so I decided to end this thing sooner rather than later. I'm seeing him again next thursday, and I'm going to tell him how I feel, that I'm ready to commit if he still wants me but he'll have to break up with his girlfriend. If he doesn't, I won't sleep with him anymore because I already can't deal with these feelings and it will only get worse the longer it lasts. I know it's still a bad thing to 'steal' someone else's boyfriend, but I really think there wouldn't have been a future for them anyway and we might have a real chance, even though we had a rocky start. I do think there's still a good chance he won't leave her for me, just because once he's decided we can't be together he probably won't change his mind because he's so proud. But I have to try bacause I've never felt this way about anyone before, and I've never wanted to commit before.I also know that there's a chance he'll cheat on me like he cheated with me, but I think he's always at least been honest with me and if he says yes, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt (and will probably get bitten in the ass later).
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know it's not pretty, but I really don't feel like a homewrecker. First, there's hardly a home to wreck. She's a 17 y/o girl and they've only been together for a month (I know that still doesn't make it right). But second, I behaved really decently, sitting on the other side of the couch, trying to act like a platonic friend because I didn't want to lure him into anything he would regret. But then he told me cheating was allright if you don't think the relationship is going anywhere (I disagree) and basically asked me if I was up for it. I am sorry for her, but if I'm ever cheated on I will blame the guy cheating on me, not the girl who's not in a relationship and just having fun (though I'll surely hate her).Your comment did make me think twice about the attachment thing, and I guess I do like him more than I wanted to admit, even to myself. I know this isn't a smart move, but honestly I'd rather have some fun and then be really heartbroken for once than just continue feeling alone and empty all the time. As for the pregnancy and STD's, I am being careful because I agree that really wouldn't be worth it. Although I guess you can never be 100% sure, but that's with everyone you sleep with. I'll just hope karma will spare me.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo, I couldn't believe it until I saw it but it turns out you were both spot on. He said he'd never cheated on a girlfriend before, but since all his past girlfriends had cheated on him his views on cheating had changed. He also said he'd rather have sex with me than with his girlfriend, and they're not right for each other and it will never last, but he's not going to break up with her for me.
So I did have sex with him because I really wanted to, and since we'd never gone 'all the way' before it felt like unfinished business or something. It was good, and I don't regret it, but although I feel like cheating is the problem of the person who's in a relationship, I still feel bad for the girl.
I know I'm stupid but I still believe all the things he said to me, I think he's at least honest, though he's obviously lying to her. But otherwise maybe he would have told me we might get back together. It did feel kind of cheap, the 'don't tell anyone' and the fact that he didn't kiss me goodbye this morning at the bus stop, which he used to do. But then again, without the pressure of a relationship I felt much more at ease, I guess it was fear of commitment that made me split with him in the first place.
So thank you for your insightful comments, I honestly hadn't thought he would want this to happen but you at least prepared me for it. I don't think I can stay away, but I also think I'm not going to fall in love with him because my opinion of him has changed. I thought I could trust this guy with my life..
...............................
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (9 February 2013):
 You'll end up feeling used, which isn't nice and really isn't worth it. The problem is most of us follow our heart and not our head.
Sounds like he is leading you on, he doesn't want a relationship with you, but it sounds like you do want a relationship. Therefore someone is going to get hurt here, sensible thing to do is to back off and keep away. If you can't do that then at least be wary of his intentions.
...............................
|
