A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Could this be the beginning of an emotional affair?We've been married about five years. My husband is pretty open about most things, and I feel pretty much that I can trust him. The other day he called me over to see what a co-worker had posted on FB. He has mentioned her name a lot, and I know that he talks to her quite a bit. I met her and her current boyfriend at a company party and she seemed really nice. Anyway, while he was showing me her post, I saw where they had been writing back and forth a few times. I asked if he would mind me reading the emails and he allowed me to. He was reassuring her about some emotional issues that she has been having. I felt weird about this, since this implied a friendship a not mere coworker gossip. I realized that the one of the emails went back as far as last October. This doesn't seem right to me; that he should be writing back and forth like that with her. Later I went back to look at the emails again and they were gone. Now I am feeling worried. Please advise!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 December 2016):
 Honestly I don't see the problem here. Is it not okay for him to have friends? I am in the same situation I get married soon and have a good friendship with a guy at work who I text and talk about from time to time. However my man trusts me. He wouldn't even ask to read through my emails because we deserve our own privacy. Have you had trust issues in the past? I mean he let you read them and I guess probably deleted them because he knew you where worried, and maybe because their conversation is private. I think marriage counselling is for the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the replies. We are going to start marriage counseling, to work on my trust issues, and his boundary issues.
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A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (20 December 2016):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) From what I see here, there's not a serious problem I can *necessarily* detect. Unless he does what the previous user says... Staying out late, distancing himself from you, turning down sex, etc. I wouldn't worry quite yet. It's got to feel awful not knowing what he's doing at work. But you have to have faith in him that he's not doing you any wrong when you're not together.
It's work, it's common to get close with your co workers, maybe they get along on a friendship note and she just wanted some advice. You never know, she may not get that much support outside of the work place. I wouldn't be too worried about it right now. What I question here is your inability to trust him, the issues may or may not be infidelity.
If you cannot have trust in your husband, then that is something you both need to work on. Fingers crossed everything gets cleared up soon, I wish nothing but the best for you. I hope you feel better soon on the matter.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2016): This seems pretty dodgy to me.. and I mean this in the nicest way possible but I'd feel a bit gutted if my partner thought this was ok - it seems a bit over friendly. Also in my experience, when someone has an office crush they tend to bring their name up quite a lot in casual conversation. Not only that, but is he this close to his male colleagues? Does he have ongoing conversations online with them too (and does he council them with their problems too?!) ...or just this woman? In my office there are tones of ongoing affairs and I just wish their partners knew about it.It's a hard one to call because if you bring this up, he may become more secretive and hide more stuff from you. Having said that, if you trust him then you should talk to him - just don't let him pull the wool over your eyes. It sounds like if he's not having an affair already, that he wants to. If he's usually open, ask him to be really honest with you - or alternatively do some digging!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2016): He's removed the emails because he doesnt want proof of their conversations.
However it doesnt mean he is cheating with her!
It implies he has been in an affair with her and my sense is that this maybe the case.
However I see it as a gratuitous work bonus, rather like an unexpected dividend as they are both married.
It is easy to get close at work.
Day in , day out.
Always forced into one anothers personal space.
You could ignore it unless he's been staying out nights or unless you get a private detective to produce evidence to secure a divorce in your favour.
Rock the boat when it suits you, rather than every time you see a ripple or you may capsize it prematurely.
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