A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been going out with my boyfriend for a while now, however i found out that before he got with me he slept with another girl - who is now around 27 weeks pregnant. He doesn't believe it is his baby as he claims he can't have kids because he believes there is something wrong down there and he may have an operation (i know that that is true). he also claims that he 'didn't cum' and that he only slept with her that one time where as she was seeing another person and reguarly sleeping with him. I know that it is unlikely that it is his, and he said that he slept with her around the date of 16th december. the baby is due on the 1st september, 40 weeks back makes it around the 27th of november. can the kid still be his? because i'm heartbroken and do not want to contiune with him if this child is his, as i've believed that he couldn't have kids and it's destroyed me, plus as a teenager i don't want to be taking on responsibilities for his own stupid mistakes. Thankyou, any other advice welcome too :)
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female
reader, chelsea_arianna  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 I agree dna test is definitely the best answer! And as for you not agreeing on the due date not sounding correct, you should know that the 40 weeks is not added from the date of conception but by the first day of her last period, SO september 1st being her due date and him sleeping with her around the 16th of December sounds to be right on! NO ONE can determine whether the baby is his or not!!!!!! the ONLY thing that can is a dna test. And as for him saying he didn't cum inside her, well that might be true, and it may not.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): The best way to find out would be a dna test!As for September 1st being the duedate and him sleeping with her around the 16th of December, it sounds to be around the right time. What you should know is that the 40 weeks is not added from conception, but from the first day of the last period she had.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (10 June 2008):
 OK sweetheart after reading your reply sounds to me like there could well be an easier way to know the father of this baby apart from a DNA, however even with an Asian father and a white mother the baby could turn out completely white as things like that can happen i.e. skip a generation or something and I have seen programs on TV where both parents are black or mixed race and the child is completely white so don't get overly excited if something like that did happen. Nothing is set in concrete unless proper tests are done however, the examples I mention are rare and sounds to me like the likelihood of this child being fathered by your bf does sound pretty hard to believe.
I would say that the last comment you got could well be from a male perspective but don't take it to heart OK.
BTW at 16 I think you are going to have more than 1 bf in your life before you settle down with one in particular so what I am saying is keep your options open and don't tie yourself to one guy. I am not however saying go and sleep with several just to find out as I would never say that.
All I mean is bear in mind you are still quite young and at your age your attitudes and where you go from here in your life right now may alter as well as you have your whole life ahead of you.
Take care and here anytime OK.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): His reasoning about not being able to have kids sounds like crap to me.
Tons of guys say stuff like that because they don't wanna bother to use protection at the time. (They can't have kids because they smoke too much weed, or they can't have kids because they drink too much soda & eat bad food, etc.) It's usually just a lying excuse. Especially in a guy your age.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou both for your advice and comments.
I know it seems like i'm jumping the gun, however i find it hard to deal with the fact that he told me that he didnt think he could have children (when at the time the girl told him that it WAS his) and i found out after he had told me that he couldn't have kids, so it was a bit of a lie/misled.
The girl is not bothered and has not tried talking to him about it which also suggests to me that the child isn't his, but at the same point i'm a bit unsure as to what to believe as he's been lying and keeping things evolving around this from me.
My boyfriend is mixraced and the girl is caucasion, however the other possible father is asian so when the baby is born it should be quite clear as to who is the father.
I'm 16 and he is 21 and i've got a less mature approach to this, I'm unsure about what to do etc :(
Thankyou for your comments btw, they've made me think, reassure me and change my attitude!
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (10 June 2008):
 It could be his, but it's more likely it isn't. To be honest, all you can do is wait until the baby is born and have a DNA test, if you want to be 100% sure. But surely he and/or the baby's mother would also want to know? It will come out in the end. Until then, I think you should try to forget about it. If the baby's mother isn't claiming the baby is his, and he has this fertility problem, and didn't ejaculate inside her, it's really unlikely to be his. Mothers usually know who is the father of their baby... if you can, leave it be. Otherwise, wait and see if a DNA is done.
The pregnancy is nothing compared to when the baby arrives. If she is his, it will change everything, and I'm sorry for you, because it will change your life as well. But from what you've said, I reckon it isn't his. Good luck .. be strong.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (10 June 2008):
Personally I think you are jumping the gun here, this guy could be telling the truth and you have already said that you know the part about him having to have an operation so he could well be telling you everything there is to know.
Is this girl claiming he is the father then or what?
I think the only true way of knowing is to have a DNA test if she starts to pursue him for maintenance payments or anything like that, however if she isn't saying she wants him involved then why is everyone jumping to the gun.
OK you only have his side of the story at the moment but all this did happen before you were together and OK you are young but I think you need to cut the guy some slack as it is all hyperthetical at the moment. If facts and figures are put on the table and it proves he is the father then obviously you need to have a good talk with him but none of this can happen until after the baby is born and the mother would have to agree to having either a hair sample of mouth swab taken from her baby and how many young mums are going to that to a newborn baby, not many I would have thought.
Also the cost of a DNA test is not cheap unless you get one done free on some talk show or something.
I would calm yourself now and see how this pans out first before both you and your bf start jumping to the gun.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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