A
female
age
51-59,
*raweb7
writes:Am I being abuse if when I question my husband he puts on his headphones to block me out, ignores me for days, sleeps in the other room, tells me I'm negative, threatens divorce and if I try to remove a headphone from his ear to talk to him he hits at me and calls me names?
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male
reader, Relationship.Chef +, writes (29 January 2012):
 traweb7, love is hard.
Love is blind, but, don't tell her that. She's deaf as well.
I've been there myself. In an unhealthy situation, where everyone, not just you, wonders "what the hell is wrong with your partner?", but, sometimes, the only answer is the hardest one.
You have start to value yourself foremost, and, learn how to say "NO".
Think of your situation, only, put someone else in your shoes. Would you still behave the same?
If the answer is anything than absolute positive "Yes!!!", then, walk away.
Yes, I know it's darn nearly impossible to do, but, that's what you have to do.
Be strong, and, make the right, however painful, decision.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 January 2012):
 You can't change him, no matter how much you love him. Obviously, THIS is who he is. Either accept it or get out, personally, I'd get out.
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A
female
reader, traweb7 +, writes (29 January 2012):
traweb7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can definately see the point how it can be deemed aggressive to remove the headphones. I honestly did not want to just be heard. I just wanted him to stop being so mean over something stupid so we can just love eachother. I have been there for him through thick and thin. I ruined my credit and to pay for attorneys to get his boys and gave up everything for him and them even going without getting my hair cut and all the things women need. I have given them my whole heart. He goes off on me over stupid things. Everyone that knows us knows I am a very positive and caring person including his entire family. I am a good woman and loyal as hell. I am his third wife and both the priors complained of the same treatment. I just don't understand it. In one point I keep hoping things will get better because I still want to love him and do. However, it is taking an emotional toll on me. If I say something that he does not like he withdraws from me completely and for days. He does not talk at all. He has never gone without sex. I am very affectionate and he gets it with that too. So this is not an excuse for him either. I don't know why he has changed so much.
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A
male
reader, Relationship.Chef +, writes (28 January 2012):
You are not being abused if your husband ignores you, sleeps in another room, tells you you're negative, and, threatens you with divorce (although the last one is borderline).
You ARE being abusive towards HIM when you forcefully take off his headphones just so you can make him listen to you.
However, regardless of all of the above, him hitting you and calling you names, even if it is in reaction to your removing his headphones is stepping over the line, and, yes, that CAN be classified as abuse.
Either way, it certainly doesn't sound like you're in a happy environment, and, if I were you, I'd look for a way out BEFORE it escalates into something either of you going to regret.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 January 2012):
Well why does he put then on? To block you out? Why are you still with this guy?
A 3 year old might put his/her fingers in her ears and go na-na-na I can't hear you, but an adult need to TALK to his partner and figure out what needs to be done/fixed/talked about.
Honestly, I would divorce his ass.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (28 January 2012):
 The hitting and name calling is definitely abuse HOWEVER...
You cannot force him to listen to you and putting your hands on him (removing a headphone from his person) is very aggressive.
Without more details I am not going to pick a bad guy and pounce. Both of you could learn more effective ways of communicating with one another.
The honeymoon appears to be over. If there is this much contempt between you, it might be best for everyone if you ended the relationship and moved on.
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