A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Am I a bad person for cutting off an ex who wants to remain friends?My ex of 7 years (we mutually broke up 3 years ago) won't stop contacting me out of the eventhough I am now married and she is engaged. What is really confusing is that she was emotionally abusive towards me during our relationship. She blamed me for her not having friends and showed signs of jealousy whenever I achieved something noteworthy. Why do I feel so awful to tell her to stop contacting me? It is heartbreaking because she really does have a hard time making friends. Furthermore, she won't outright admit or apologize to the messed up things she said or did during our relationship. Even now, she makes slights towards me and then acts suprised when I "blow up" at her...I know she is being manipulative. It is friggen crazymaking! I feel burdened with taking care of her feelings. I am changing my phone number today, but it would also be nice if someone could give me a little pep talk or something about how I am not a bad person for cutting her out of my life, that would be very appreciated.
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broke up, emotionally abusive, engaged, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (14 November 2013):
 Definitely don't feel guilty. She needs to go. It's that time. You're making the right call.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 November 2013):
 Nope, don't feel guilty. YOU have to do what works for YOU and will continue to work for YOU.
You sound like you actually OWE her something, you don't.
Cut her out/ block her and set yourself free (from her).
Cutting toxic people out of your life is a VERY healthy decision. Thankfully I haven't been around that many many toxic people, but those who either "turned" toxic or just were toxic got cut out of my life and it's a relief not having to "deal" with them any more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2013): You need to stop being so co-dependent (on your ex).You need to stop thinking of yourself as either the knight in shining armor who has to rescue broken people and make things right for them or a people pleaser who can't say no to other people. What you are doing is unhealthy for your new marriage and unfair to your wife. I bet your wife feels that there are actually 3 people in this marriage because of all the time and emotional energy you expend on your psycho ex. I bet your ex feeds off the knowledge that she is making you put a strain on your marriage or will be.You need to stop having a relarionship with your ex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2013): Orignal Poster Here: Thank you so much for your time. It is an odd thing how I totally would give the same advice the two of you have dispensed. Boy, it is hard to really internalize those concepts when I am in that boat. Thank you again! I feel a lot better about "cutting her off".
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (13 November 2013):
 Couldn't agree more with CMMP. You owe her nothing. You're married now, and all your attention and energy should be reserved for your wife. A successful adult has people in his life who lift him up, not people who bring him down. Cutting her out of your life hardly qualifies you as a bad person. Move on without regret.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 November 2013):
You should never feel guilty for cutting contact with people that make you feel crappy when you talk to them. What would be the point of maintaining those relationships?
You don't owe her anything and her happiness is not your responsibility, especially considering she was/is manipulative and abusive.
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