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female
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anonymous
writes: I don't know what to do. I have a really low sex drive, whereas my partner has a high one. Our sex life is non existent. We have a 10 month old baby and I have fears of my partner leading astray because of it. Please help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): Low sex drive. In most women it has alot to do with how one feels about themselves; your sense of worth and self esteem.
Being that you have had a new baby, yes, the sex will most definitely be affected- I've had four myself.
I think that expressing yourself to the man you love is the best course.
Also know that there are medicines out there to help boost your sex drive if this is something you and your love desire.
Working together and talking to together is what is needed.
I don't think sex equates with love.
You love him therefore should trust him and in him.
I think he loves you and thus the reason he is with you and had had a baby with you. He will hold you and work with you.
Tell him that it's not so much that you don't trust him but it is just your fears. Tell him you love him. Ask him for guidance.
Congratulations on the new edition.
*hugs*
A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (11 July 2006):
 Hey there,
I'm answering this coming from the opposite side to you. I am the one with the high sex drive and my BF has a pretty low one. I used to get bloody annoyed when he kept saying no but over time I have learnt to accept that we are different and love him and not pressure him, as that always makes it worse.
Has your sex life become non-existant since your baby was born? (congratulations by the way!) Or has it always been that way? I don't have any children, but I have heard that when a new buba comes along it wrecks havoc on other aspects of your life as a couple, especially the sex.
I think you need to give yourselves both a break and let yourselves settle into your new life with the little one. Things are not going to instantly go back to how they were.
Why would you think he would stray? Has he voiced to you how angry/sad/frustrated he is about your low sex-drive? Has he made threats that he will cheat if you don't 'put out'? I think you are just feeling really overwhelmed by the past year and all the massively-huge changes that have happened to your relationship, and they are causing you to not think so clearly. If your partner has given you no reason that he would stray, then stop thinking the worst and realise that perhaps you are feeling like this because of the changes in your life that have taken place.
Find the little things that make you feel sexy and play up to them. If you enjoy the feeling of satin on your skin, then buy youself a silky chemise and wear it around the house - you might find that doing little things like that might 'up' your wanting for sex a bit more.
God I ramble. I hope I have helped a bit, keep me posted on how things go xxx
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