A
female
age
36-40,
*reeneyes23
writes:Dear Cupid,I have been seeing this guy for about 3 months(talking for 4). We talk every day and send each other cute messages quite often. We get together about once a week or so since it's kind of a long distance thing. We recently had a little talk about where things could be going. He told me that he is naturally slow to open up to people in his life and will need time to do that. That made me nervous, thinking he's a typical guy who will say that when he's not interested. We talked about it and he explained that if he wasn't interested in seeing where we could go, he wouldn't be putting in the effort into it; and it's not easy with the distance. He said that I'm exactly what he's looking for but he wants us to take our time instead of jumping into things; which I agree with. My issue is, even though I've been technically single for a little over a year, how I was treated in that last relationship is affecting how I think of this new guy. I was lied to and manipulated a lot. So even though this new guy has been nothing but amazing and honest, I keep thinking he's just not interested. And if he doesn't pick up a phone call or call me back I assume the worst situation(not interested or with another woman) even though he's never said or done anything to make me feel that way. I can't seem to get over this hump and i don't know what to do. Part of me says to listen to my assumptions even though there's no proof of wrongdoing. But the other part of me says I'm taking my insecurities out on him and it's not fair. So my question is: Could my past be affecting my present and what can I do to work this out?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): your past does make your present...
i think you are right - really right, so you need to adjust to it - just be a little more relaxed and deal with it. I think you are falling for him, so naturally worried and self concious.... be happy :)
thats what i think....
Star.x.
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (20 May 2009):
 to be honest hun yes it does seem to be affecting you and you shouldn't not all guys will be like the last that's how you need to think of it.
i mean you're already getting paranoid thinking why's he not called? is he with someone?
maybe if you talk with him further more to your past relationship he can help you understand and reassure you perhaps make you feel a bit more secure with the relationship and of course the distance doesn't help either as you can't randomly see him all the time.
but just tell him how this makes you feel if he likes you as much as he says he does then he'll have no problem trying to make you feel more secure about this, he'll hopefully understand what things you're going through and try to make it better and easier for you.
but what you do need to do is i know it's hard but let go of the past and look to the future take the chance with him risk it and be daring and learn from any mistake that happend in the last one to make this one ten times better make yourself feel a better stronger person and more secure about your relationships otherwise you'll always feel like this and it's not good at all for you because you'll still be thinking of the past.
Hope this helps :)
x
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