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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm friends with a guy that I have developed a bit of a crush on over the last few months...I have been careful to hide this fact becuase I wanted to protect our friendship. But lately he has been flirting with me in away that has gotten very sexy and suggestive to the point that other people have been asking me about it..I know! Tell THAT to Bonnie Rait!The other night he phoned me and although I wasn't going to mention his suggestive behaviour I have been really worried about it and brought the subject up. He told me that he was just being flirtatious (though I have never seen him flirt with other girls like he has with me) and thinks I'm fun and a great person and has a good time with me, but knows that I don't want to date him (due to our being in the same circle as we have both discussed the dangers of this) and that if I don't like it he won't do it. I told him that I don't mind the flirting, but that I have had a bit of a crush on him for a while. I KNOW!! HUGE MISTAKE!! He then said that he didn't know that I had a crush and that if he had known he would not have behaved that way. I was so freaked about what I revealed that I told him he had answered my question and quickly ended the call.I am now afriad that he will now never know the truth behind my real concern which is that I was afraid because I am flirtatious towards him and not in a way that is always totally innocent that he would read more into it and think I seriously wanted more than friendship..I don't really take the crush thing that seriously and don't want him to either as I would never allow that to jeopardize my friendship with someone. I have had this happen with guy friends in the past and they ended up asking me out and then were embarrassed and hurt when I told them I only thought of them as a friend and our relationship was damaged.I just don't really know how to handle the situation and know that if I bring it up I could just dig myself in deeper. Should I just pretend it didn't happen and go back to behaving the way I always have around him? I feel like I came off as sounding as though his flirting offended me even though that is not what I meant and that he will be standoffish or even avoid me. I want him to know that I am cool with the flirting as long as he understands that I don't, at this point, want to date him.Could telling a guy you have a bit of a crush on him completely ruin a friendship and is there any sort of damage control I can do to try to prevent that?
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (15 July 2006):
 Honey, there is no "damage" to control unless you believe there is. And right now, your behaviour is causing the damage.
Friendships sometimes undergo tests. This is such a time for you and your friend. It is now that you will learn what his expectations are, just as he is learning what your expectations are.
No one is born a mind reader, so another test of friendship is how well you two communicate when one or both of you are stressed.
I recommend that you see each other in person when you are discussing the state of your relationship. Who knows? Your relationship might rise to another level. Regardless, you will want to know where you stand with him.
Good luck and take care.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2006): well, i had (cant say 'had') a girl as one of my best friends, and eventually we had a crush on each other, and steadily climbed higher and higher on the relationship ladder. we've now been going out for more than 8 months. but we arent only bf gf, we are also best friends, and are comfortable talking about anything. we know each other very well, we dont hesitate telling each other waht we think or giving feedback about things (sexual things). i think that purely because we remained as best friends has kept my current relationship very very strong.
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