A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I want to know why I keep causing problems with my boyfriend. He's so wonderful and is always there for me, I've never met anyone so nice and I know, deep down, I'm really lucky to have him. However, I keep trying to cause rows and accusing him of fancying other girls and cheating. I know he hasn't, I just like a row! I don't know why, though, because the last thing I want to do it push him away.I've recently been diagnosed with depression and am getting counselling for this and some other problems linked to that. Do you think could be something to do with it? Or do you think I resent him for something he's done? I don't want to lose him, I want to show him how much I really love him! Please help! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2006): Hi, well I think the problem stems from the fact that you love him and are frightened of losing him. Sometimes when we feel close to someone we get scared because our emotions are out on show and we feel vulnerable.So in effect by having an argument you are placing a wall between you, him and your feelings. This stops you from getting closer, which really is what you want from the relationship, to feel close and to be loved. Maybe you have been cheated on in the past and it has left you with this anxiety. Think about why you behave like this and discuss it with your boyfriend.If he loves you then he will listen and understand. As for your depression,well it's understandable if you are feeling a rollercoaster of emotions. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (19 June 2006):
 We tend to take things out on those closest to us, we dont know why, we just do. Im not sure what your depression stems from, but at the moment you are likely to be feeling insecure because of it, and as consequence it comes out towards your partner as your scared. I would mention this to your counseller as this anger may go hand in hand with what you have been diagnosed with or maybe the tablets you may be taking, they dont always agree with all us. talk it through with them and they may be able to suggest something you could do. In the meantime, everytime you feel like this towards your partner, angry and shouty, divert the feeling, into how much you love him, instead of venting anger, cuddle him, it might actually make you feel a whole lot better too! Try not to push him away you love him and always try to remeber that, i know its hard but you will get through this with the aid of a counseller and proper medication, but just try and change the anger into love rather than venting your frustration. Its seems you like the feeling of a row, and its kind of like it takes over, and the feeling makes you feel in control. Take this control and place it in a happier place and dont get angry, try and get your frustration out in another way away from the one you love.
Take care x
...............................
A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (19 June 2006):
 No you are close to him and taking out your fears and frustration on him. Do not automatically assume you are depressed - you could be suffering from anxiety disorder or a fear of something which isn't fully manifested in your concious mind....hence the need to pick fights with people.
Would like some more info, maybe to help you more....
pm me if you like.
xxx
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2006): I believe thats what they call self-destructive anger, and I would definately see a head doctor about it.
...............................
|
