A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So my ex and I have broken up for over two months. However, we work for the same company. Last week I saw her at a meeting and before the meeting started she approached me and kiss me on the cheek hello. She was like "I saved you a seat next to me". I am trying to stay calm and collected since I still have feelings for her; so I sat next to her for the next 3 hours which it was a torture. We glance at each other for a moment and we both giggle. I don't want to overanalyze the situation; but I am :-(..... I think she is already seeing someone else; but I did not ask her any personal questions. I am on my 7th day of NC, and I am going nuts. I need help.. Does she still have feelings for me? Is there a possibility that we might get back together. She dumped me; but it was my fault. I kept going back and forth about our relationship 'cause I wasn't sure but I realized that I deeply love her and I want another chance to make it work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2013): I think if she dumped you, she is conflicted and pretty much toying with your feelings.
There is a natural need to keep track of you, and she fears dealing with her own decision to breakup. She may be genuinely concerned about how you're handling it.
She can't break up with you, and hold your hand through the process. That's totally ridiculous. She is dangling you on a string. You're over 30, and that's too old for childish games.
You must accept the breakup and continue moving on. Own your past mistakes, and begin the process of correcting those weaknesses that injured the relationship. Prepare yourself for the future.
You haven't changed that much in two months. You can pretend you're changed, just to get what you want.
You're both just missing each others company, and withdrawal is setting in after separation. You'll foolishly try to mend the relationship, and it will break again.
You'll be back to square one. It's too soon for friendship, and you wouldn't want that anyway. You want a romantic relationship. You want to go back to the past.
Advice in such a tricky area is usually not taken. People ask, but don't really listen. They are compelled by a wishful heart. They hope things will magically fix themselves; and they can just put things behind them, and pickup where they left off.
She dumped you for a reason. That's a drastic step to take, then reverse it. I know exactly how it will turn out, and just by your post; I know exactly what you plan to do.
I advise you to maintain no contact for another full 30 days. No e-mails, IM's, text messages, and when at work keep your distance. Stay professional. Minimize conversation to work only.
This is the fool's dance. It's suspiciously cuddly and sweet. You'll dance until you fall off the edge.
It will go back and forth until she finds someone she prefers, then you'll be dumped again.
NO, she doesn't want to get back together with you. She wants to be sure you're not over her yet, and she can still trigger your emotions and stir up your feelings.
Believe what you will. You'll be better off continuing your recovery and working on your personal issues. Let the healing begin and move on. The relationship is really over,
and it's suffering a lingering death.
You'll be back writing DC in a few weeks, when you determine what I'm trying to tell you is true. I do wish you the best, but I'm not going to build up false-hope. Some may wish you a fairytale ending. I'm going to prepare you in case it doesn't happen.
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