A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've recently lost the last of my family that I could talk to. I don't feel like there is anyone one this earth that really knows me except for an ex married boyfriend. We haven't seen each other in 20 years but I ended up calling him because I feel like he's the only one I have memories with that I can share. We ended up meeting and he said he wasn't afraid of me but himself and that his wife didn't deserve to be cheated on again. We met again and we kissed which was so electrifying. Well, I ended up going crazy calling him all the time and he no longer wanted anything to do with me. I'm really feeling needy and want to have a relationship with him, not necessarily sexual. He is avoiding me and won't call me back or meet me. How do I get him to meet me again? Could it be that he is afraid of his own feelings and something sexual will start again or has he decided he just doesn't want anything to do with me at all? How can I rebuild a relationship with him? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Rae1031 +, writes (27 January 2009):
The fact that you are married changes nothing at all as far as the situtation with your friend goes, but it does kind of make me wonder why you feel you are so alone that you have to seek out another womans' husband. Why not turn to your own husband for comfort. Just because he was not there to experiance your childhood with you does not mean he can not be there for you now. You do realize that there is an institution where there are lots and lots of people who did not know each other until later on in life, yet they create a bond that is fulfilling enough to both of them that they are ok with letting go of their past relationships and sharing the rest of their lives together, don't you? Just in case you don't - they call it marriage. I think it sounds as if you should work a little bit harder on your own, or else you shouldn't be too suprised to find your husband seeking out the company of another woman that can be avialable to him in the current tense. Best Of Luck To You.
A
female
reader, Rae1031 +, writes (26 January 2009):
Have you ever considered that maybe he is just a good guy that wanted to be there to support an old friend and the neediness that you displayed to him made him feel sorry for you so he kissed you, but immeditaly felt guilt because, although many men have no concept of this, when you are married having an emotional relationship or physical contact that goes beyond a friendly hand shake, hug or peck on the check is wrong! I know this might sound like a crazy thing that you have not considerd, but could it be that maybe, just maybe, he loves his wife and while you are somebody he may have had feelings for 20 years ago, she is his priority now. I am not trying to knock you, sometimes I get very lonley too and find that I have nobody left to turn to. With the internet and support groups it is usually easy to find somebody out there to reach out to, but sometimes reaching out to strangers that my be familiar with your issues, but don't know you at all can only make you feel more informed, but not necessarily cared about. I know how lonliness feels and I think your feelings of just wanting somebody who knows you to talk to are very normal. Now, let me ask you a question, how much do you really care about your friend who is obviously willing to risk a lot to be there for you. Think about it, your attempting to come walking back into his life 20 years later thinking that you can just pick back up where you left off, but what you find is that your friend is obviously happily married. If you care about him then you should be happy to see that his life turned out pretty good for him and you should not expect him to risk what he has for you plus hurting an innocent women and possibly ripping apart a family. Does he have children? How do you think he would feel if he lost them in a custidy battle because his wife left him over an affair that he was having with you. Do you think that will make him love you, or resent you and regret the day he ever answered you phone call to begin with. If the only thing that you are honestly and truly looking for from this man is friendship, than the first thing you should do is call him one last time and appologize for your selfishness in assuming that he would be willing to risk it all just because you showed up with your problems and he tried to help. Secondly, you should tell him that you do vaule his friendship and right now need all of the friends that you can get, so perhaps, you, him and his wife can all go out to dinner one night. If you hit it off with his wife then you get your old friend back and a new one at the same time. If you can not get along with his wife and respect their marriage then you need to leave them both alone.
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A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (26 January 2009):
 He's married! Leave him alone.Not to sound harsh, but if you were married, would you want your husband to go off and be a deep close friend with one of his ex's? I'm sure he cares about you, but it sounds as though his wife is his priority. Not you! you should respect that.After 20 years, for you to come in and try and re establish a relationship is very selfish on your part.You see him as more than a friend, or there wouldn't have been that "electrifying" kiss. Please don't try and destroy his marriage! You may say that you only want him as a friend, but you know better than that.It's not fair to him, or his wife.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionforgot to mention I'm married
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