A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Every time I go to my fiances' house, all he ever wants to do is 'do it'. He never wants to go out or do anything, and he says this is because he never has alot of money. But, yes he works. But he doesn't hardly ever want to go anywhere, not even a movie. So we just stay at his house and 'do it'. Then on the other hand, he says I seem to always be wanting only sex and that every time I come to his house, its always my fault that we end up doing it, when its not. He says this is because he get aroused just because I sit in his lap. I cant help it he cant control his hormones. So here is my question... Could it be that he's the one who is only interested in sex in the relationship. P.S. he even accuses me of only wanting to be with him just so we can go places, etc. But it's not that. I am just not working right now, and I'm very bored during the week.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): Suggestions/solutions
1. Job Hunting- Employers are not impressed when you show up to apply for a job with someone in tow. You are more likely to get the job and and interview if you go to the job interview alone, at least without your spouse or child.
2. He only Wants to go Where He Wants to Go and I'm Driving- Try taking more of the role as event planner or social secretary and make plans in advance to do something in particular and announce it. If you want to plan something at your place give him a choice of two dates, so he can feel like he is in control and pick the date, sort of like you do with a three year old (lol). Like let's have Bob and Sally over for pizza and beer, is Friday or Saturday night better for you?
3. If you get bored hanging out at his place or going to his sister's then beg off an do something on your own. If he hates your going to bars/clubs (and I don't really blame him) do something else like take in a movie or have dinner with a friend.
4. Try to avoid thinking of your relationship as tit for tat, he has to do this thing because you did that thing, relationships do not work that way, at least not happy ones. Try to avoid thinking in terms of absolutes, he doesn't "always" or "never" do anything and neither do you.
Adjust your thinking, be a little less spoiled, take more responsibility for your own feelings and for your own fullfillment, be a little more independent and don't look for things to be dissatisfied about.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of the responses/opinions. I do look for a job, the truth is... he is about to get laid off. I even suggest me and him go together job hunting, he doesnt even want to do that with me. Im not saying we have to go out, as in every day of the weekend, Im just saying every once In a while. He even says he's bored (even when Im up there keeping him company). Now, how am I supposed to feel when he's bored?? But when I say, I'm bored around him, He lectures me like all I ever want to do is go out. The only time we go somewhere is when and wherever he wants to go. And thats almost always only to his sisters house. He doesnt even have license and he's older than me. Im 20. I have my license. Im supposed to take him to get his driving permit tomorrow (11-6-2009). And on top of all this, he's protective (in the Good way) about me going places like a club by myself. Im starting to feel like he's using me because like I said, when do go somewhere we only go where/when he wants to go, and Im always the one driving!!!! I've recently for the past 2 or 3+ weeks been doing things that he wants (just chilling/cuddling/making love) at his house. Thats all we do!!! I feel like thats all he wants. When he doesnt want to go somewhere or just go grab a bite to eat with me, he'd rather us just stay at his house and have intercourse. He wont even surf the Internet with me at his house, Its just (sex). So, it seems!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of the responses/opinions. I do look for a job, the truth is... he is about to get laid off. I even suggested me and him go together job hunting, he doesnt even want to do that with me. Im not saying we have to go out, as in every day of the weekend, Im just saying every once In a while. He even says he's bored (even when Im up there keeping him company). Now, how am I supposed to feel when he's bored?? But when I say, I'm bored around him, He lectures me like all I ever want to do is go out. The only time we go somewhere is when and wherever he wants to go. And thats almost always only to his sisters house. He doesnt even have license and he's older than me. Im 20. I have my license. Im supposed to take him to get his driving permit tomorrow (11-6-2009). And on top of all this, he's protective (in the Good way) about me going places like a club by myself. Im starting to feel like he's using me because like I said, when do go somewhere we only go where/when he wants to go, and Im always the one driving!!!! I've recently for the past 2 or 3+ weeks been doing things that he wants (just chilling/cuddling/making love) at his house. Thats all we do!!! I feel like thats all he wants. When he doesnt want to go somewhere or just go grab a bite to eat with me, he'd rather us just stay at his house and have intercourse. He wont even surf the Internet with me at his house, Its just (sex). So, it seems!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): It sounds like you want to be out doing things. There are things you can do that don't cost money and which would give you interests and a social life, such as joining a class that is free for the unemployed, or doing some voluntary work. So it is up to you to sort out that side.
As regards the sex, if you aren't happy just having sex then don't go round there. A lot of men will just try and get sex without any of the other things women want. Or tell him you want someone who sees you as a whole person and not a sex machine, and see what happens. You have to value yourself before other people will.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 November 2009):
The post below is entirely right. You shouldn't expect him to entertain you, even if you are very bored. It's not healthy to rely on someone that much, because they inevitably fail you and you wonder why. This lack of trust is worrying to be honest, because it really shows that perhaps you're not made for each other. He might be saving money, but you won't actually know unless you talk to him. Perhaps you would be better off starting there. Ask him why he doesn't eve want to go out, even of it's just for one meal. Then see what you think after his reponse.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): Oh my gosh, you two don't have anything better to do besides make having sex or not a battle ground?
If you are engaged then I would think you would want to have sex and lots of it and not start accusing him of not wanting to spend any money on you.
I would think that he would want to occassionally go out and do some things with you and if he is not I don't know why money is his excuse unless he really is saving for a big purchase like a home.
If you are not working and going to school, you can't expect him to want to entertain you because you are bored. Spend more of your time finding a job or getting further education so you can be more employable and then you two will have something else to focus on besides how much you are having sex and how much he is bending to your every whim.
If you plan on getting married, you need to learn to work as a team and set some future goals and learn what you need to do to achieve those. Hash out how you are going to handle money, child rearing and the like.
If you guys are going to accuse each other of ulterior motives for being with each other, your marriage will NEVER work.
Better to figure that out now and cut your losses and move on.
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A
female
reader, butterfly0916 +, writes (1 November 2009):
 i think he's the sex fiend...no offense he is just trying to brainwash you....if i were you i would have left him because a relationship doesnt evolve on just sex....do you know what i mean...
i hope i helped alittle,take care.
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