A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was in a relationship with a man ten years older than me for about 4 months. Everything was going well and we were great friends but the age difference was causing issues and ultimately ended our relationship. Now I am in a relationship with another man who is closer in age to me and everything is going really well. My ex recently contacted me seeing how i am doing. I really want to see if we can put our relationship in our past and be friends but I am worried about how my boyfriend will react. What should I do? I really care about my ex as a person and want to have a healthy platonic relationship. Can this happen?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): Hard to say - pretty much depends on your current boyfriend. I know I couldn't handle my wife having any sort of relationship with her ex (and we've been together for about 16 years, married for 13) but then there are plenty of people who seem to be OK with it. I wouldn't want to have any sort of relationship with an ex either as I see it as disrespectful to my wife and I know that she would be uncomfortable with it. (plus I simply don't want to). But that is simply what works for us and might not be the same for you. Talk to your boyfriend and see what he says.
A
female
reader, jadeywadey +, writes (12 July 2009):
 It is possible to have a good relationship with your ex.If your feelings toward him are dead and buried, then clearly explain to your new man that you want to establish a friendship with your ex. If your new boyfriend is laid-back and has trust in you, he shouldn't have a problem, though keep in mind not to spend more time chatting with your ex rather than painting the town red with your new man-jealousy will be evident. If your boyfriend is uptight and overreacts a bit, it wouldn't kill to try and talk to him about a recycled friendship...but take things slow with your ex. If the friendship is built up to the point where you can be around one another without excess feelings from the past, then why not rally up a small group of friends, include your ex, and your boyfriend. Have them meet, but try to lean conversation far from any details of intimacy in either relationship, so there are no conflicts. Keep the atmosphere clean of hardcore PDA so that your ex will feel welcome as a friend. The other friends are there so he will not feel like a thrid wheel and hopefully keep them from butting heads. Maybe in a few months your ex will find someone and if you should become close friends, you and your man can double date with him.Though I have actually tested this idea (and it worked!) I cannot guarentee it will be flawless. It really depends on how overprotective your new man is...and whether you have any lingering feelings for your ex. But I do hope this helped a little :)
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