A
female
age
30-35,
*merica52
writes:Okay so this is my first time doing this so bare with me...im 19 yrs old and i am a newlywed...it will be a year in December. I love my husband to death but i can count on one hand how many times we have had sex. not because of him but because of me. i just don't have the urge to do it. i do masturbate once and a while and do get turned on. my husband is extremely attractive so there is sexual attraction...but i will do anything to avoid this situation. it still hurts alot and i get bored quick. his always willing to try no thing and is real patient but i dont wanna take that for granted...i need help...could i be missing a hormone or something?? dont know how i can make myself more interested. PLZ HELP Reply to this Question
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female
reader, america52 +, writes (5 October 2009):
america52 is verified as being by the original poster of the question WOW THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!!! You have answered soo many of my questions and this has helped me understand, myself, so much...I am going to work at this. Cant say thank you enough! =-)
THANK YOU!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): The most important thing you said is "i do masturbate once and a while and do get turned on." It means you do get turned on, there is nothing wrong with you. So the issue is to find something that works, that turns you on. I am slightly the same way. Unfortunately, our society has trained us to think that females should get turned on instantly, but when actually its the opposite. It takes much longer for a female to get turned on, and we get turned on in VERY different ways than men.Heres some things that have worked for me:1. When I did masturbate, I would think of things/scenarios that would turn me on. I would then replay those scenarios in the bedroom. 2. Watching porn (I know, how taboo) but really it helped. I mean at first most of it totally turned me off, so be careful. there is a lot of gross stuff out there. But some of it would turn me on, and I would "replay" that in my head when having sex (of course I would substitute my bf instead of the porn star) :)3. I would just keep reminding myself that sex is about having fun. I would see my boyfriend and think how attractive he looked and how i was so lucky that he was all mine and I could "have" him. And even if I wasn't necessarily turned on, it was fun to experience sex with him, watch him get turned on, and just be intimate with him. Taking the focus off of me and how turned on i was or wasn't helped a lot. 5. Best advice Ive ever be given: fake it until you make it. (And this can apply to sooo many areas of your life.) I dont mean fake having an orgasm, that is your decision to make. But there are times when I am not totally into having sex physically, but I keep in mind that my boyfriend has needs and having sex builds intimacy, and I "fake" it. I just act like I am really into it, or turned on. And 9 times out of 10, half way through it, i'm not faking it anymore. And please understand that I am not saying do it against your will, or fake "wanting" your boyfriend. But I think all women out there know what it feels like to have your body not necessarily want sex even if you do. (and luckily for me my boyfirend isn't knocking at my door incessantly either) 6. practice makes perfect. you have to keep trying. eventually you will find what works and what doesnt. My best friend didn't have her first orgasm until after 8 months with the guy she is married to. So just keep practicing and just keep reminding yourself, you may not get an orgasm, but you are having intimate time with your husband and that's a PLUS :) 7. dont be afraid to use lube, and other toys. i use lube almost every time. I dont know if its because i am small down there or what, but a lot of times, if we dont use it, it will end up hurting. Also, a vibrator has about a 99% success rate of getting u turned on if used correctly. :) So this is a great way to begin to "practice" getting turned on. DOnt freak out at the myraid of options out there, the smallest one will do. hope this helps. above all, dont get frustrated. it will just hurt your situation. there are a lot of women out there who never orgasm with intercourse and require other forms of stimulation (about 60%) so you are not alone. Just remember that your husband does have needs and that you dont want to avoid intimacy. HAVE FUN! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): I would go to a obgyn, there may be a bigger reason, sex should not be painful... Im 32 years old and I get upset if I don't have it at LEAST 3 day out of 5. Is there a intamcy issue, there? Have you guys watched porn or soft erotica to see if that helped? Babe if it hurts for you and your marrage march both of your butts to the docter, sex is a big part of a marrage, going to a docter will show your husband that there is somthing wrong and your trying to get help, by avoiding it he will think lots of other things.... Best wishes!
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