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female
,
anonymous
writes: My male friend, who I want to be with, has just told me that his ex is sending him mixed signals about whether she wants to get back together with him or not.I asked him if he was in love with his ex. He said he loves her to bits and wants to be with her. Several people and I think she is being a player as she has one set of rules for him/another for herself and that she doesn’t want him but no-one else can have him either. So, he remains hanging on a string waiting for her to decide what she wants.However, he is sending me mixed signals as well!!! He is a wonderful man - a real one in a million. We have tons in common; the same morals and plans in life, have loads of fun, etc. He has written the loveliest things about me which definitely suggest that he wants to be more than friends. We cuddle but we haven’t gone further physically obviously because of his feelings for his ex and the fact that she is still playing him but another reason is that.... he also said that ‘our parents would kill him if we got together’. I was shell-shocked when he said this, in part because I felt the same about what his parents would think and because it was the first time he had actually said something to me that suggested he had thought of us getting to together, that I didn’t know how to respond! Was he testing the water to see what I would say because I don’t know how he could assume to know what my family would think about it? As it happens my Mum said she is fine with us getting together if it makes me happy. I don’t think my Dad would be over the moon but then how many Dads are overjoyed with their daughter’s choice of partner? (The background to this is that our parents are best friends and it could be construed as being too close to home. There is also the fact that I am 8 years older than him. We respect our parents and don’t want to do anything that would upset them). As a result, we both seem to be acting in denial and trying to pretend our feelings for each other don’t exist. He has become fiercely protective of me saying that if any man treated me badly he would sort them out. I felt this horrible panic in my stomach when he said this as from this I gained that we would never be together. Frustratingly though, it also deepened my feelings for him because he obviously cares about me alot. He said he won’t wait for his ex forever and if it is over once and for all then he will enjoy the single life for a while. I can’t say I blame him, but some of the stuff he says doesn’t seem to ring true but rather that he is testing me to see if I will say I want to be with him. He has asked me to go away on holiday with him next year.He said how he wished his ‘relationship’ with her was fun like our friendship is and that he is finding it difficult to keep his hands off me. As I left to go home he said light-heartedly ‘you never know we could get together’. I know I cannot pursue anything with him at the moment as his heart will not, or may never be 100% mine as he is clearly obsessed with her. I know that it is not fair on me. Do you guys think he is considering me as girlfriend material? My head says not to wait for him but I only want to be with him. So, if I don’t wait for him, how do I get over him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Sorry this wasn't answered sooner. Your problems are probably fixed over this amount of time.
Now Dear Cupid is better based, more well known, with more Aunts and Uncles, if you have any other questions then you could ask us now we're in a better position.
Everything can be solved with a bit of communication.
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