A
female
age
41-50,
*lmocutie
writes:A guy who i love and who i have had an off thing with is really starting to confusing. It hs been 5 years now. A few months back he said we needed to stop sleep together as god didnt like it. Then we started again. He has been going through a difficult time and i have tried to support him. We has been arguing alot in the past about his ex who still works with me altough he no longer does. However his ex had been having an affair with a mate of his who still works with us. Himself and i both beliveve this to be wrong as his mate is married with kids. He tells me he never contacts his ex anyone and has no need to and doesnt want to, but i found out from his mate he texted her and asked if she was having an affair with his mate. I asked the guy im on off with is this true. He said yes and that he only did it because he was worried about his mate and didnt wanna text him or phone him incase his wife saw or heard. He keeps saying that it was a one of contacting her because he wanted them to see sense and that he has no need to nor does he want to contact them again. I had gotten over it but yesterday he told me he was busy but i could see he kept emailing his mate back and forth. I lost and told him he has to ring me its over because i feel he is making a fool out of me. I told him he rings me or i come and find him and end it. I was hysterical. I said i think he is stringing me along and that he has no interest doesnt care and never wants to meet up again, which he states is not true. He says that not the case and it doesnt sound like i know what i want. I do and its him and i cant tell him that. What should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): Basically, you are letting someone else's problems affect your own "relationship" (or whatever you view it as.)
It was a mistake on his part to contact his ex but it does sound like a rational thought process on his part. You should not worry about him and his ex, if she has resorted to sleeping with married men, it is unlikely he would go back to her.
It is normal for your guy to support his friend through this. He may be trying to persuade him to finish it, which surely is what you want? It is quite reasonable for him to consider this as being "busy."
Your guy needs a bit of space to help his mate make decisions about his situation. I'm sure you would do the same if it was one of your girl mates. This was a silly argument, and from what you write it sounds to me like he does still care about you.
Apologise to him and try to see it from his point of view. He's done nothing wrong here, so you must ask yourself why his behaviour caused these reactions within you?
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