A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone!I would like to ask for some advice about therapy, particularly from those who have personal experiences and from those who have a loved one experiencing it.I hope to seek professional advice in the next coming weeks to deal with some issues in my life, mainly depression and anxiety. I am very scared to do this hope to find solace in some of your answers. What made you seek therapy? What was therapy like for you? Did it resolve your issues and if so how do you feel about them now? Are you ever free of your demons or do they still lurk in the back of your mind? As a loved one of somebody affected, how does it impact on your life? I have developed a very dull outlook on life, I feel like it's not going to get better and I persistantly worry about the future(I'm only 19!!!). I just want to be able to enjoy my life again.If I'm lucky enough to have any psychologists reading - I'm not sure where these issues have come from because I used to be a happy person(if it's relevant - I guess I have what many people would call a good life; wonderful family, great freinds, supportive boyfriend, bright university prospects, comfy lifestyle, the works), but yet I still can't see that the glass is half full. It makes me feel so selfish because I know there are so many other people in the world with serious troubles and going through some real hard times - my problems seem so trivial. All I want is to return to my 'normal' self but I am struggling to forsee a time in the future where I'm not going to be plagued by this. I don't want to be crazy :(Any advice, stories, general words of encouragement or opinions will be greatly appeciated. Thank you in advance :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your kind words. Your replies have already helped to make some sense of what is happening to me. It is nice to speak to people I don't know as you give such honest, unbiased advice. I will update further after I have my first session, fingers & toes crossed, but in the meantime thank you so much and good luck to those who are still in treatment. Stay strong :)
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (13 April 2011):
 A quick answer as have no time now, but may reply longer later - I had therapy for severe anxiety after termination followed by next child with traumatic delivery plus death of my father, and it was helpful - yes, cognitive therapy really is helpful. But the best help, and what has made me better, is having a relationship with a very strong person and having a natural delivery, very reassuring and empowering, with my youngest child. So, therapy helps, but the best is a life change to be in positive circumstances, with positive people, and especially also to do loads and loads of exercise - cycling is amazing for making you feel better, and strong. You need to see the strong, sunny side of life - because it really is there. You need to be in the sun.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): I went into therapy when I realized that I was living a less than joyful life and that I do NOT have to live that way anymore. After several years, life is good- I still have some issues, but I can recognize them and more times than not, don't get sucked into negative thinking that brings me down. Also, depression (if you have that) can be a mild chemical imbalance that can be righted with medications. That helped me considerably, and now I'm off them (I had no side effects, Dr. knows I'm off and is fine with it).
Go! Find a therapist that will challenge you. If you "enjoy" going too much, odds are good that you have a soft therapist that may not be pushing you to grown. Finding the right fit can take a few trys- but keep on looking because you are worth it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): Thank you for your post!I sought out therapy last year and this year as well for a variety of issues. Depression was one. I did therapy because I felt like I had issues no one could understand.. especially the emotion I attached to them as they didnt witness some events in my life, only myself. So, I felt a counselor was my way out to understanding why I attached such emotion to these things and how it dragged me down into the ruts. There were days where I didnt wanna get out of bed and go to work, I just wanted to lay in bed and cry all day.The counseling paid off and thankfully most of my demons are gone. I still get stressed but exercise and 5htp medicine help manage mood and is like a preventative measure so that I dont become depressed again.If you do counseling, you have to be patient with recovery. Each session will help that wrinkled paper unfold and help you start fresh. Best to you on this doll.
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 I sought out therapy when I was 19, like yourself. First visit I ever had with a therapist was at 16 or 17 though, I got sent there more or less without asking to go myself. That very first session was fruitless as I didn't understand why I had been sent there and no one really told me why either! Crap system.
So I didn't really think it was for me. But more importantly I think therapy can only work if you actually want to go there yourself, and not if you are merely sent there. So, a couple of years went by and I met a boy who went to therapy and was open about it. He's the first guy I ever met that was open about going through hard times. His father had cancer and would die. This also showed me that you do not need to be insane, or have a mental issue, to talk to a professional. Therapy is good for everyone who goes through hard times, it helps perfectly normal people who deal with heavy burdens.
So I decided to give it a go, at 19. This time it was much better, the first sessions were hard as it is weird to open up and be honest about things with a complete stranger. I cracked down I can tell you that, and sat through most of the session in tears. But after that, things got better. The therapist asked me those questions no one else did, but that I needed to answer, needed to put words on and tell someone else other than myself.
Talking helps. You can't tell everything to your friends, and some things are so private you don't want to tell anyone. And we are always scared of what others will think of us if they really knew what was going on. For me, what was going on inside of my head was taboo, not anything I would EVER talk to anyone else about. Breaking that taboo with a therapist was step one.
Next step was telling someone I actually went to a therapist. That took a long time as well, and I only told 1-2 people actually. Not even all my close friends got to know, just my boyfriend at the time and his best friend. It was difficult to "admit" it to others, and I still felt like there had to be something wrong with me since I needed help.
Talking helped me. It helped me deal with the problems I was facing at the time. It helped me, right there and then, and going through it all with another person lifted a burden off of my shoulders.
However, it did not last forever. Because hard times come again. In my case, the problems I face mostly are because of my family, and those problems will never go away, not as long as I have my childhood in mind, and my parents and brother around. Do I want them gone? No, but they do add extra pressure on me. And at one point again it got to be too much. So at 24 I sought out help again, and started in therapy again. I was on the edge of getting out of a relationship when I started again, and was overloaded with feelings.
I do carry a sadness all the time. It doesn't go away. It is always there. But I can put it away deep down inside of me. When things got to be too much, like the breakup I went through last year which was a bad breakup (he deleted my computer files, refused to pay back money to me, didn't return my belongings etc, was verbally abuse), it was a drop too much for me to carry on top of all the other sad things I always carry with me. So I got help and talked through things. Again I was a wreck on the first 4-6 sessions, and then again now and then, because I talk about things no one else ever gets to hear about. It is hard to open that lid which you always keep closed. But, like last time, it lifted a burden off my shoulders.
Things are particularly bad at the moment, but going to therapy helps me find ways to deal with what I am going through. After a session I always feel "cleansed" and serene. I feel good about myself. I have also learned to open up more, and am now open about the fact that I go to therapy. I don't mention it unless someone asks, but I do not hide the fact. I have told my friends, and while there are still people who do not know about it I am feeling good about being this open. Taking away the taboos, and lifting rocks out of my heart, if I can put it that way.
One bright side of opening up is that I got a new boyfriend who I have been completely honest with about all that is going on. He has shown me that when I am open about things, he can help me. I tried to be open with my recent ex about these things, but felt ignored. Thus I never told him everything, and it became something I resented him for. I didn't go to my ex with my problems, as I felt he didn't listen, he wasn't there for me. And so I didn't open up to him, afraid to get pushed away, ignored, ridiculed. With my new boyfriend I took a chance at telling the full story, even secrets I hold for others. He's handled it like a hero, and made me trust him completely. Being able to be open about these things matter so much, to know that the persons you have around you know the truth about you and who you are, and love you for who you are and not for the mask you put on to hide the real you.
Your problems are not trivial. I often think that about my own issues, because it's not ME who is going through the hardest times, it is people in my family. Yet how they are doing naturally affects me, and in many ways my therapist has helped me see that. My therapist has also opened my eyes for things I didn't think about before. Things that make my problems less trivial, and more relevant, for me. Your problems are very important, to you. Take them seriously. Going to a therapist when you know you go through a hard time shows insight into yourself, and that you are aware that things can get worse unless you help yourself out. Going to therapy is you helping yourself, and that is not trivial. You alone can value what is important for you, and you as a person are important you know. Ask your family and boyfriend, I am sure they will agree that you taking care of you is important, not trivial.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): Hey OP! I went for therapy after I came out of an abusive relationship. I went because I could see I wasn't coping very well and I thought I was losing my mind. I was dealing with a lot of depression, flash backs, nightmares, incredible weight loss, guilt, anger and the list goes on and on till infinity. My therapist gained my trust rather quickly because in the beginning all she did was listen and was a sounding board for me where I did not feel judged or looked upon harshly. As time has gone on she's led me gently to my own AHA moments and I can see a definite change in my demeanor, outlook and self. I am far from healed and I suggest you don't look at it as a one time or short term thing. Depending on your issues and the depths of your problems the more work you have to do. Another point you have to make it work for you. Its not just randomly scheduled sessions where you go talk problems for an hour and leave them there till next session. You have to be willing to work at it constantly. I still have some demons that follow me but I am working through it or at least trying my utmost best to. Best of luck with your therapy I hope it works out as well for you as it is currently doing me.
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