A
male
age
41-50,
*ollowHeart
writes:I really need some feedback, seriously. I'm 39, male, just divorced. My ex and I created a company some 13 years ago, right after we started our relationship. She is lovely and smart and loves me very much in the past 12 years. We got married in 2003. Our marriage was so admirable at that time. I loved her very much. There was only one thing that I was not satisfied with, it was sex. I didn't have the appetite to have sex with my ex though the quality between us was great. Every time I had to force myself to make her happy. Masturbation gradually became my habit. And I started dreaming about having sex with other girls but I never did until last year in May I met a girl in a cafe. She was not that beautiful but I thought she might be the right one to start my sex adventure. I started to get close to her and created chances to meet her, finally one day in June, we had sex, ashamed to say it was wonderful... so I couldn't stop meeting and having sex with that girl... My ex discovered one day... she decided to forgive me and give me chance to come back to the family we have created (we don't have kids)... I just can't stop missing that girl. But the girl was not in an easy situation. She found me attractive and wanted to have me as a marriage partner, I didn't intend to destroy my marriage at that time, so I didn't promise to her. She then felt disappointed and started to date her ex-bf, another married man, and they had sex for several times (When i still have relationship with her). She told me everything one day when she expressed how much she loved me and explained that she knew I would never be with her so she wanted to forget and leave me and this is the reason she had sex with that guy... and she kept explaining in this way when I asked her why why why.Now I divorced, am staying with this girl. She kept saying love me so much every day. We have wonderful sex every day. But surprisingly to myself, I am not feeling real happiness... I feel I still miss my ex although I do not long for the sex with her...Do you guys really believe that a girl would have sex with another guy she is familiar with in an attempt to forget a man she loves? Can I trust this girl I am staying with now? What do you suggest me to do now? Thank you very much for any of your feedback!Patrick
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): You are missing something here.
"She then felt disappointed and started to date her ex-bf, another married man, and they had sex for several times (When i still have relationship with her)."
Look, what else do you need to know. Not only do you need counseling, but she needs it very badly.
You probably miss what you had, which you don't get from the current gf, and when you missed what you didn't have from the ex-wife you should have gotten counseling and help instead of another woman.
Big mess now, not trying to be scathing or critical, but this is all fucked up and you need a good counselor. You don't know how all this is going to end, but 95% or better chance you won't end up with the new woman.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 February 2011):
 Yes i do believe that a girl would have sex with someone to try and get over someone she loves. It is called rebound and it is really common. If am honest I dont know what you should do now, I think the best thing for you is to take sometime on your own to discover who you are and what you want in life. Your marriage sounded wonderful apart from the physical side. But there is plenty you could have both done to try and spice things up instead of committing adultry. Even go to a marriage councellor where they would have gave you tips. However it is to late now as you are divorced.
I guess if you are not truly happy with your current girlfriend then you need to tell her how you feel. Im guessing it must be hard for you to trust her as you know she was with another man, but I bet it is hard for her to trust you as well because you cheated on your wife therefore it cannot be an easy relationship and it wasnt built on good background. So I honestly think your best option is to be single for a while until you figure out what you truely want.
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