A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How does a woman accept that she is not attractive to most men , when there are so many women around who are attractive to most men . It seems that realistically maybe 1 percent of men if that would be attracted to me when we are out yet my several of my friends who are attractive get male attention from nearly every man whereever we go . It seems no matter where I go ir what I do barely any man notices me despite my best efforts simply because I'm not blessed with a pretty face or long legs.I wear the latest fashions and heels but it only seems to go so far. I'm finding this very depressing.My attitude has always been positive and sexy so I kno people will say it's all about that but at the end of the day when it comes to me it seems like it's all about beauty Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2014): It's because you aren't loud and an alpha type you get overlooked. Perhaps you look too intelligent to guys who want an easy lay. Do your friends dress like they are easy, because mine did and men would hit on her even though her face wasn't up to much.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2014): I have the same problem. I have a beautiful face, awesome personality, and nice rack (if I do say so myself) but rarely do I get hit on. It's a mystery to me, it really is. But, I really like the way I look. Maybe it's cause I am a size 14-16, lots of men aren't into bigger women. Who knows? Honestly, it's even a mystery to me.
But I do know one thing. It only takes one good man to make me happy, not a harem:) So, in that way, I guess I am lucky.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2014): I don't see the big deal but I'm not a woman, I don't dress to look sexy or attract the opposite sex. If I want attention I go create it by talking to people I want attention from.
I will say though, you sound very unappealing in terms of your attitude and while you like to think you put on a great show in terms of positivity and sexiness, a woman with so little self-belief in that being the case is obvious from miles away.
She's either trying to hard, paying too much attention to who's paying her attention or is so busy wishing the cute guy she likes would notice her that she doesn't see the other guys who are checking her out. Even the ones who put on the show like they're having a great time and are bubbly and fun, you can just tell. The same as you can probably see it in guys who lack self-belief. It's not something you can hide.
I also suspect you may be getting more attention than you give yourself or the guys who pay you that get. You could also be the type of woman the quieter more reserved kind of guy likes. The kind that don't really drunkenly chat up women.
OP I'm short, bald and have a beard. I used to be fat as hell too. Never stopped me getting attention because I created that attention by going straight over to people I wanted to notice me and saying "hello".
My experience of Australian women is that they're very forthright and up front about things. Any time I've come across one interested in me it was because they approached me to talk. I understand that not everyone fits a national stereotype but I can't see how much attention you get being an issue when you come from a place where women are not afraid to do the chatting up.
I mean the only good thing about getting attention from the opposite sex is to find a suitable partner. If you're using it as an ego thing then you have your priorities wrong.
I mean seriously, OP, if I were still the portly, short guy with receding hairline what would your advice be to me if I had your issue? Do you think clothes or acting positively would somehow make me Johnny Depp 2.0? No, you'd probably tactfully let me know that'll never be the case and I shouldn't worry about it, you'd probably mean it too because it's not a big deal.
Attention as an ego boost will never make you happy, comparing yourself to your friends will only make you feel inadequate too.
My best friend is a beautiful man and gets tonnes of attention. I on the other hand have an amazing wife who will tell you herself would never have paid me any attention in that way if we'd started dating without being friends first.
So if this about getting a man then go get one you like, you make the move. If this is about numbers and competing with your friends, then seriously, OP, change your priorities. Life is too short to feel disappointed in not being something you may never be. You have to be pragmatic about things, dress to impress yourself. That way when you look good you'll have the praise of the only person who really matters.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2014): You change your value system to shift away from stereotypical ideas of 'beauty' - and you find men who have the same values. Some men go for personality over and above everything else -at least for long term relationships. And if you feel this way about yourself, there will be at least one guy nearby who feels exactly the same about himself...so neither of you will care all that much about what the other looks like compared with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. But yeah, don't look for him in clubs and bars and so on and go for quality attention built over time through friendship or doing something like voluntary work together. Caring men who work in caring jobs, either paid or voluntary will be more inclined to want personality rather than stereotypical good looks.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2014): If that's how you feel, is there anything anyone could possibly say to change it?
Everyone is unique and you have to accept the way you are born to look, and make improvements where you can. Which you say you have. Considering there are millions to billions of men on the planet, and hundreds of them live within miles of you. I find it hard to believe not one man on earth finds you attractive. I'd say you shouldn't be going after the types your friends do anyway. If you're talking about guys in clubs, 50-90% of them are assholes anyway.
Maybe you shouldn't compare your looks and luck to that of your friends; because they may be a lot more outgoing and aggressively flirtatious than you are. They may get more attention from men who are players or superficial; and chances are, these men are only looking for a one-might stand. Their looks won't matter as much the next day, nor will their feelings. In other words, if they're still looking for a guy and don't have steady boyfriends? I guess their doing no better than you are!
You don't give up in self-defeat. You stay confident and visible until you get noticed. Stop worrying about your friends and their looks so much. It seems to you it's all about beauty from your defeated point of view. That doesn't make it true, now does it?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2014): I think it's possible you're getting more attention than you think you are. Since you're already insecure, you notice when your friends get checked out all the more. For all you know, the men that check them out check you out as well, once you've looked away. I mean, you can't expect them to check you out while you're looking right at them, can you? I say this because I'm the same way. I feel exactly how you do. I have a pretty face, but I feel like it goes to waste because my hair isn't great. It's thin and takes me awhile to style it so no scalp shows through. Some days, though, I just don't have time to do that, and I feel like people notice and think less of me for it. I also don't have long legs, and I have small boobs. My husband, however, tells me my hair really isn't thin like I think it is, and that men check me out all the time. I think he says it to make me feel better. After all, I know what I see in the mirror. But he insists what I see isn't accurate. Maybe you (and I) have dysmorphia. We may actually be very attractive and unaware. I know I've heard a few women in my day talk about how "unattractive" they are, and I looked at them and thought they were crazy. I wanted to ask them the last time they looked in a mirror, or say "try having my hair/legs/boobs, then you can complain".
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2014): It is really, really unfortunate that in society, physical appearance seems to be the most significant factor in a person's "attractiveness". I don't know exactly what about you makes you think guys don't find you attractive, but I can say that I have met lots of different kinds of guys, and I've known guys that are attracted to just about any kind of woman - thin, fat, tall, short, long hair, short hair, black haired, blond haired, white, black, and everything in between. It's very hard to do this with all of the emphasis in society today on appearance, but honestly the best thing to do is to just dress well, and don't put undue excess effort into your appearance, beyond what's reasonable. When you do talk to guys, make sure you are showing your good PERSONALITY. While some guys may be so shallow as to not be willing to look past your appearance, there are plenty of guys who will want to get to know you for who you naturally are and will love that as it is. Best of luck and I hope you find your Mr. Right!
...............................
|
