A
female
age
30-35,
*edep
writes:A few months ago my brother introduced me into his group of college friends, I was friendly and just acted mutual with them all. A few days after this my brother and two of those friends invited me to play a PC game with them and talk over skype as we played, I said yes as I love to play PC games myself and I enjoyed their company. His friends where rather loud and funny and I again just acted mutual and like my normal self. A few days after this one of his friends invited me to be friends on facebook- I wasent sure how comfortable my brother would be with me being friends with his friend and wondered what the guy was really like- even thought I had already talked and meet him a few times I hadent figured out his angle and wanted to know what my brother thought, so I asked him If I could accept the Facebook request- My brother said it was fine and seemed comfortable with the whole situation. Since then every time I have talked to his friends my brother has been around. A couple of days ago we all went out for a drink and to play some pool at a local bar- when we left my brother was not very happy- he said that I had been flirting with his friend and that I should have been more careful because his friend was flirting with me. I feel I was not flirting with his friend, I dont even find the guy attractive! I tried to tell my brother this but he only told me that I should be more careful. Since then I have not talked to his college friends except for the one that added me on facebook- He has talked to me nearly every other day for a week, always starting up the conversations and me always ending them- His friend suggested that we all go out for another drink again and I said he would have to see what the other guys where up to aswell- All of my conversations have been very carefully thought out as I really dont want his friend to get the wrong impression, and I only want to be friendly and not blank the poor guy. I told my brother of his friends plans to all meet up again and my brother went insane on me, he told me that I should never talk to his friend on facebook again and that we should never go out for a drink together again, he 'forbid it'. And now I have no idea how to act! My brother is acting as if this is all my fault and as if I threw myself at his friend when all I was ever trying to do was be friendly. I have been nothing but Extra careful, I even asked my brother if I was allowed to accept his friend on facebook! How do you think I should act now? Should I listen to my brother and completely blank all his friends from now on or carry on being friendly and showing them that I have no interest in him in that way?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2013): Don't worry. He'll relax once he knows his particular friends don't take advantage.By the way, you don't need to wear flashy clothes and or be a beauty queen to be seduced or taken advantage of by guys.Your brother doesn't want lude comments regarding his sister circulating in his group of friends. He's letting them know it's hands off. He can't really control who you decide to date. He can make sure that when his mates are around you, they respect you and don't hurt your feelings. Like I said, college boys are not always on their best behavior, and they say and do things that can be pretty hurtful to women. He's making sure his rowdy bunch of mates don't include his sister as one of those women.
A
female
reader, xedep +, writes (18 June 2013):
xedep is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey, thank you for showing me some of my brothers points of views. When I say ''college'' I mean British schooling so we are all 18-20. my brother the eldest of us all I the youngest. (We are all in the same college just different subjects and years) Im sure these guys don't see me in any sexual or potential girlfriend way- Im not the prettiest/sexiest of girls and I dont wear flashy cloths or anything like that, one of them does know that ive had x's and have kissed and stuff when we random-ally talked this stuff I have mentioned in passing. If I try and ignore them do you think that it would help him realise that we are NOT interested in each other in that way at all? All I want is for my brother to not be torn between family and friends and for him to stop controlling and bossing me around. I know that I wont go with one of his friends, he just needs to realise this so what should I do to show him this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013): Your situation is complicated; because your brother isn't setting you up for his friends. He's introducing his friends to the family. He has to know everyone's whereabouts at all times. He has to be sure, these guys don't go fishing behind his back.You are old enough to date. You don't mention how old his friends are; however, your brother is isn't just being over-protective with all his yelling and tantrums. He's making sure you're listening and he has your attention.He doesn't want to hear these guys referring to his kid-sister like she's some available little tramp. He feels somewhat responsible; because he is introducing you among his older group of college friends.That is a huge responsibility, where males are concerned.Your parents will hold him accountable; if these guys get tipsy and out of hand with you. He will be forced to take immediate action, and may lose friends in the process. You always protect the home-front. You never let your guard down.He has to shield you and keep his rowdy male friends under control. He has to be the Alpha-male in this situation to protect you from inappropriate advances; which at some point will become sexual. These guys are on hormonal over-load, and you are a vulnerable young female. You will at some point attach feelings and start crushing; making his job all the more difficult. I have several younger sisters, and I know exactly where he's coming from.His bark is worse than his bite. He knows you're getting older; so he exaggerates and over-reacts in order to keep everyone inline. That's his job. These guys can be sneaky; especially if they suspect you are a virgin. To them, you're a vulnerable target. You're too young to know what men can really be like at their age, when around females. They're not always on their best behavior. They aren't always as nice as they seem.He knows his buddies a lot better than you do, and knows what they are capable of. He knows how they treat women.He also knows one of them will charm you. You are susceptible to their attention; no matter what you say.The worse thing that could happen; is for you to be seduced and taken advantage of. Your parents would go ballistic. They would place the blame on him, and he would never be able to handle the guilt; and they will be relentless. I know some aunts may suggest that you try seeing someone on your own. Not a good idea.This will put your brother in an action mode you will not really like. This isn't good advice; because it would place family against family. You're old enough; just not ready for college boys.If your safety was ever compromised, it would totally be his fault. You don't normally hang with guys their age.They can be a handful. They drink and sometimes abuse drugs.Flirting can be voluntary and involuntary. It's a natural response, and you may not realize when you're doing it.Guys know how to play on women, and lower their defenses.He doesn't want you to be easy prey to their womanizing.Just relax, he just sensed you getting too close. He'll relax when he sees he has slowed things down a bit. Don't worry. He's being a good older brother.
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