A
male
age
30-35,
*ik1990
writes:I liked this girl a lot. This was my first relationship (or pseudo). During our time together (4 months), I was the one who more often initiated the conversations, was completely honest about everything. She seemed to me an honest girl herself. We used to text all the time. She told me she goes out with other "friends", which I don't have a problem with.However during our last walk conversation (4 days back), she starts pointing faults in me etc and then in the end of it, she tells me about this another dude (About whom I didn't ask) who "truly know who I'm inside". She wasn't very clear on things, so I texted her later regarding the same, she wouldn't reply, I again tried it the next day, she didn't reply again. I'm interpreting it as her telling me "I'm choosing him over you". I'm heartbroken. I need to move on so I cut all the contact. Keep busy, that's the right advice right?I'm not a loser. I'm good academically and almost anything I'm involved in. I work-out and I'm definitely good looking. I never had a problem accepting anything about her, because I wanted to make this work.Yesterday she texted "Hey!". And now I can't help but think about what I should do. what's my position here? I obviously can't be the man for her, I don't know if I want her in my life anymore. So I can't decide if I should reply her or keep myself busy.
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male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (24 October 2013):
Thanks for the reply. It's good to understand how you're thinking.
I agree, she's trying to make herself feel better.
And if you want to text no probs. But let her know what you're thinking while being polite about it. Another way is to say. "Hey. I need a break for a while from contact, OK? I'll text you when things have changed with me". Or whatever way you feel or want to say.
I would seriously seriously take a break from her though, especially with the way you're writing about it. By texting in this way, you're being a good person, answering her text and moving on.
But be careful. She will try and smooth things over to make herself feel better. I personally would say no to that, but that's up to you.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, vik1990 +, writes (23 October 2013):
vik1990 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. I really appreciate the advice.
But think about her text, "Hey!". She is behaving like nothing happened, like I'm not supposed to be hurt.
She probably thinks that she "did her job" when she texted me, that now I'm the bad person here because I didn't reply.
Although she was trash, I liked her a lot. I mean really, a lot. After this, if I don't reply, will I keep obsession about her my entire life?
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A
male
reader, 11muds11 +, writes (22 October 2013):
You need a break from her. Don't be mean, just text back "I'm sorry, I don't want to mean but you didn't write me back. You don't want me to be the man in your life, which I think you're wrong about, so I need a long break from you." or something like that which is personal to you. She will probably try and text back. I wouldn't not communicate with her at all at that point. This will show her you're being assertive about the relationship, which is always good. You need time away from her to heal. Take as much time as you need, even indefinitely if you so choose.Or simply don't text back and take time off. She might want to be a friend but that's not her choice. I wouldn't be, but that's just me.Hope this helps. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 October 2013):
 if you want more than friends and it's going to hurt you to be with her then I would let her know exactly that and then go no contact. she will fight you on it but be strong and don't let her "bully" you into letting her pretend to remain friends so she can feel good about herself.
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