A
female
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anonymous
writes:Don't know what to do about long term relationship that always seems like its in turmoil. B/f very emotional; blows up easily. I try to keep things calm but it doesn't always work out. He snaps at me and I'm learning to snap right back because he has changed my personality from someone who used to be sweet and would cry easily. Now I have become more tough and I don't take his crap. But we are on an endless street. Now when he starts a fight, I don't put up with shit when he starts accusing me unfairly. I no longer cry, or withdraw, I yell right back at him. He once told me he liked it when a woman gave it right back to him, because he's attracted to strong women, yet when I do this, he says it's the beginning of the end! And he's not going to put up with me treating him like that. Treating him like what? The way he treats me? What a f**ing double standard! The other day I was moving files on my computer to a thumbdrive and he butted in and tried to tell me how to do it, started asking a bunch of annoying questions about how much space was on the thumb drive, I finally told him I didn't know the answer to that question, and frankly I didn't care. I just wanted him to leave me alone so I could finish my task. He freaked out, told me I should never talk to him like that again! I was floored! When he's in the middle of a task, I don't dare ask him a bunch of questions or he'll shut me down with a rude comment quick!! All I did was respond the same way he does (because he's taught me how to do that!) and he couldn't take it. I later apologized and told him he was really annoying me and all I was trying to do was focus on what I was doing. I even tried to give an illustration of how he responds to me when he's in the middle of something. He's not at all nice about it and I just have to take it and know that's just how he is. Now all of a sudden I'm not allowed to feel the same annoyance when he's bugging me? That's a bunch of crap. He expects me to be this doormat, kind patient, loving even though he talks to me in horrible tone of voice when he's under pressure and yet I'm not allowed to have a bad day, or a bad moment and get cross for just a second. That is so one-sided! I just don't know what to do. I can only be myself and we are constantly butting heads!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bejungles  +, writes (24 December 2009):
To me, it sounds like this relationship could turn abusive. If the fighting has gotten to the point where yelling and screaming are normal, then physical abuse may be reached by either one of you. You shouldn't change yourself for a man, if he really liked you, he wouldn't fight with you so much as to change your personality. You sound like a nice girl in a bad situation, and my best advice would be that he isn't the one for you. It might hurt hearing that, but sometimes it is the only way. Best of luck!
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