A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am so confused. I don't know if there is something wrong with me or what. I feel that there must be. I am nearing 25 and I have never had a real relationship.Guys are attracted to me. I am not ugly. I am not skinny, but not fat either. I have lots of physical qualities that guys like. And I have heaps of friends. I am in fact even funny(!). Yet, somehow I just seem incapable of attracting guys that want to do more than just either friendship, friends with benefits or one nighters. Sometimes this is fine - in fact sometimes this is what I want. But I am just so confused why I am never asked on dates. Initially when guys meet me we hit it off. They chase and then suddenly it just stops. And it always stops when I start to show any intiative or interest.Take last week. Meet a funny guy and we flirted all night and then eventually kissed when he stated very boldly and unexpectedly, so I am going to kiss you now, and just did - nearly knocked me off my chair with surprise. It as very funny and totally worked with the way we had been flirting that night - although it sounds bizarre, trust me, it was more just funny. It was a good night. We spent the night hanging out and playing stupid games. Nothing serious. He wanted me to go home with him. And I thought about it because I am tired of not doing things that make me happy, and I enjoy sex (don't judge me on that one). But I liked him, and thought I'd sooner wait and see, rather than silly drunken sex. Plus, my friend was waiting for me to go home with her. So I gave him my number and he messaged me before I got home saying that he had really enjoyed meeting me and had a lovely time. And to call him if I wanted to do something. This is all fine. I wrote jokingly back that he could call me cause it was more fun that way - for me. And then went off to sleep. He wrote me twice more but I didn't respond till the next day. We texted a bit that day and then I left it two days and decided I was bored and wanted to do something and thought, hey, will see if he wants to do something. Granted I messaged late-ish at night, but he is a chef and I figured he was still at work. He said he had other plans and we joked a bit. Then later decided after I finished my drinks that I wanted to spend the night with him and wrote that. Then felt bad about it and wrote a message saying sorry, that was a tad rude, etc. He just laughed and was fine with it. Asked him for a beer the other night and again, he said no. Now fine, he is not interested now. Ok. But why? Literally, this story feels like it has been on repeat for me for the last 4 years, and before that at school I didn't date or anything because I was really sick and just never went to parties or anything. Sorry, I know it is a bit long winded but I find it just so hard to explain. Probably because it is so confused in my own head!Any help/thoughts would be really appreciated. I have asked my friends, and told them to be blunt - and they always are blunt to me about everything - but all they ever say is that there is nothing wrong with me. The most anyone has come up with is that guys are intimidated by me, but I don't entirely buy it because they aren't intimidated when they first meet me...??? I think sometimes I joke a bit more than most girls and probably act like one of their guy friends sometimes, but still! CONFUSED!!! And feeling so sad about it...
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female
reader, manou  +, writes (16 June 2009):
 dear friend , as you said before i know that am a pretty girl so dont care " you already know who you are dont let other people decide " actually i would be more concerned if guys see me at first and run way you said that you have alot of friends and guys seem to like at first sight but things change later your story happened once with a guy i met in airport he was going crazy to have my number , i gave him my number but when he had it he changed we talked first and it was good but later happened the same thing that happened to you , well there is a kind of guys that seem to like a girl but once they feel they have it well they walk away leaving her confused but try as much as you can not to care about him play cool and he will be back by himself even if he's not back , try not to care and dont tell a lot of people about this problem because they will start thinking that you dont have much self confidence , i hope my advice will work for you , good luck
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