A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i am a real pickle.i have been in a loving relationship with my partner for 3 years now and we are still going strong. back at christmas i had an affair with someone from uni. my partner knows and we have sorted all of this out. the guy i had an affair with really messed with my head and i had advice from people saying to shut him out of my life for the good of my relationship.i really dont want to end my relationship but i just cant stop thinking about this other guy. he treated me really bad and i hate him for it, but he lives in the same house as my best friend (shared student house) and i am always invited to come over by my friend but the guy i had an affair with is obviously there and it is really horrible. i thought i was over this guy, i thought i had made a breakthrough but i saw him for the first time the other day and all of these feelings have come back.i am so confused, i love my boyfriend, and i hate but love this other guy!how can i get over him!
View related questions:
a break, affair, best friend, christmas Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): I don't agree that you cheated because you don't love your current boyfriend enough, I don't believe you have the right kind of feelings for the other guy either.
You simply are not committed to your relationship with your boyfriend of three years. Love is a conscious decision to be a person worthy of love and it takes first and foremost a committment to stay with someone and be faithful and loyal in times when your feelings of love may wain, because that is what feelings do, they come and they go. Love is not based on a feeling, but it does involve those feelings of love towards your other.
The main reason all these feelings came back when you saw the other guy is because he hurt your ego, your pride, and you have no closure with that.
It doesn't indicate that he is a person worthy of love, he isn't, he proved himself unworthy through his deeds and actions. If you find yourself upset and uneasy when around him, then you need to cut all contact with him even if that means you never go over to your friend's house again...you can't use that as an excuse for going over there, you can see your friend outside of his/her home for gosh sakes, go out and get a pizza or something.
As for the current boyfriend, you have to make a decision, shit or get off the pot because it isn't fair to keep jerking him around, you did it once, he gave you a free pass, but the next time it will be most likely done and over forever with no chance of reconcilliation, so think long and hard about what you truly want here.
Being single and on your own is possibly the best option, it seems you may not know who you are unless there is some man there beside you. You have to love yourself before you can allow another to love you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): Split up with your boyfriend, at least for awhile. This will stop him from getting hurt again on account of your mixed emotions for the other guy. Unless you can get over the other guy, your relationship with your current boyfriend will never be a fulfilling or happy one. You might feel you have something more to offer this guy, so at least allow your boyfriend the same freedom, for now.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 July 2010):
I'm sorry to say this, but you don't love your boyfriend enough to stay with him. The time has come for you to be single again, and out there working on yourself. If you loved your boyfriend enough, you wouldn't have cheated, and you wouldn't be in this situation now. You just wouldn't. I know you don't want to break with your boyfriend, but he's just not the one for you, and it's unfair of you to you keep him knowing that you don't love him as much as you should. It's also a waste of your own time, since you'll end up splitting up later down the line because you'll realize he's not the one. If he was the 'one', you wouldn't have cheated. You have, which shows you don't love or respect your boyfriend enough for him to be the number one on your life. It's unfair to keep him, and it's just a waste of your own time to keep him. You need to be single right now, making steps in your own life and focusing on your own life.
...............................
|
