| A
female
,
*oanne1234
writes: Hi,Im an 18 year old virgin and although I have had several boyfriends I have never felt comfortable enough to have sex with them although I have done other things. I've never enjoyed kissing boys really and always seem to find myself staring at girls. Recently some of my mates have come out as being gay (guy mates) and I go to a lot of gay bars and mix with the gay and lesbian community. A few weeks ago I had my first lesbian kiss and it was amazing! I can't stop thinking about it but am really worried that I might be gay myself. I don't know if I should have sex with a guy just to see if I like it and then decided, or if I should see this girl again. However, she is already in a relationship and has children from a previous hetrosexual relationship, she is also 10 years older than me. I don't know what to do, please help as I can't talk to my family about it as they are very religious and would accept it easily. Am I gay? And if these feelings continue will a lesbian know that I am a virgin, and what's the risk of HIV etc? I am thinking about just loosing my virginity to a guy although this makes me feel sick inside and I'm worried it will hurt aswell and I won't enjoy it........... Sorry this is so long, but I'm really confused!ThanksJoanne
View related questions:
hiv , kissing, lesbian Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2006): hiya, i just like to say, u dont need to worry about it..also, i need to ask...am i lesbian? i masturbate to lesbian porn, but i want a boyfriend...does it mean im straight? or bisexual? the thing is, the thought of kissin another girl makes me feel sick..im so confused:(
A
female
reader, Becks +, writes (26 January 2006):
 hi Joanne
please don't worry yourself sick over this issue, it'll all be fine. i'm gay and been in the simular situation before i came out, i felt pressured to sleep with my boyfriend because i thought being gay was a choice and that i could hide from it. I don't regret sleeping with my then boyfriend because i loved him and was ready too. But a switch didn't go off to say this wasn't right for me, i just always knew i supose when i look back.
Kissing a girl for the first time changed everything i knew that's who i am because it felt so right.
You don't discover your sexuality over night, it takes time to feel comfortable with who you are and what you're feeling,whether straight or gay, sometimes you feel so alone but time changes it all and there is light. Believe me i been through times of dispare, worried myself sick for 6 years of my life over things i can not control, like parents but they do understand even religous ones like yours.
I honestly don't think you should start a relationship with a woman or a man just yet (if you're single) and i think you know you're not ready, especially for 28 year old woman with children, its a big step and too much of an added worry ontop of everthing else at the mo.
best advice = go out with your friends have a good time meet people, look after yourself, take things slowly and be really happy.
I hope this helps
all the best
becks
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2006): Firstly, don't accept advice from anyone who says that they aren't judging you and in the same breath add "but I worry about your eternal life". This kind of gentle coercion is sick.
Next, you should know that the transmission of HIV is more of an epidemic amongst those who share needles and practice unsafe penetrative sex, especially anal (lesbians do not transmit this disease very often).
Third, if you are still struggling with your sexuality, now is not the time to start seeing anyone, least of all a woman 10 years older than you with kids. She may seem like a great deal, but that is only because you don't know any girls who like girls your age. Your and this woman's worlds right now are so different that I can't foresee the two of you getting on well at all.
Fourth, you may want to have a quick screw with a boy "just to see", but please consider your partner's feelings. Boys may seem all tough on the outside, but being used up in that way can wound anyone to the heart. You also already seem to hate the idea, and I think you should stick with that feeling.
At this stage you should continue with your self-reflection, long and hard. Ask yourself whether you ever liked any boys who WEREN'T your boyfriends, or if you can even imagine a boy that you would like to kiss. Ask yourself these same questions about girls and contemplate. Don't let what anyone else would think enter into the equation - if you lived in some kind of dream world where no one would judge you, which path would be best for you? Imagine you could do anything you wanted and THEN reflect on that. You may find that you are straight but just not into any of the boys you know, or a lesbian, or even bisexual.
If your family isn't receptive to this, it sounds like you at least have some guy friends who can relate to this. You should ask them about their coming out experiences, and how they came to realize their sexualities. Your straight friends, as well, if they are open-minded enough, might be able to tell you how they wrestled with the question of whether they were gay or not (it's true, just ask them!).
Best of luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, sherry1234 +, writes (23 January 2006):
Hi Joanne1234,
Okay, after reading your question to my sister, she stated that you are definitely gay and you should admit it to yourself and go on with your life. On the other hand I feel that you are confused because you are scared. Intimacy with a male that you are very compatible with can be a gift. It seems to me you haven't had the opportunity to experience that yet. As for your kiss with the other woman, maybe you were more relaxed with her because of the age difference and your curiosity. What I suggest is that you wait for the right opportunity to loose your virginity , and I mean to someone that is worth it. I am not here to judge you if you decide to select being gay. Keep in mind the repercussions of the choices that you make, both spiritually and emotionally. Also, just to be aware of the choices available to you , there is something called bi-sexuality that you just may qualify for. Joanne, I also feel that your eternal life is just as important as your current existence. Think long about the choice you want to make for this life and your next one. Take care of yourself , things will be okay. Don't worry so much about sex, it will never go out of style and it will always, always, be available to you.
Signed,
Sherry1234
...............................
|
