A
female
age
30-35,
*pehkah
writes:Alright so I started going to a new church a little over a month ago and I made friends with a lot of people there. There's this one guy that I got along with very well, we have a lot in common and he's like the male version of me. We like the same sports, same movies, same everything pretty much. I'm not sure why but I was a little surprised when he asked me out, I don't really think I like him in that way at all, but I did say I would give it a try..there's a couple things about him that bother me:Age difference - I'm 20, he's going to be 27. I've never dated a guy more than 3 years older than me..Guilt trip - When he asked me out I told him I wasn't sure I was ready to date right now (I haven't been dating for the past three years because of this) and the way he responded it was like he was saying "I spent all this money on you, expecting you would go out with me" even though he did ask if I wanted to go "as friends" When I told him I'm still not sure I'm ready, but I'll give it a try he kept on telling me how thankful he is I said yes..what's up with that?Moving way too fast - On our second official "date" he insisted on walking me to the door with a very obvious motive in mind, even though I told him I wasn't sure I was ready...I ended up walking quickly to the door saying goodnight and he asked for a hug when it was apparent I wouldn't kiss him, and stood there for 10 minutes hugging me.I've been told by a couple of people that it sounds like he's had that "love at first sight" thing and I'm completely baffled. I can't picture us together and I never wish he'd hold my hand or anything like that..once he asked if I mind if he put his arm around me and I said no, but it still felt awkward. I was much happier without the physical contact, I'm not sure if I should tell him to slow down a bit and keep trying or completely break it off so I'm not misleading him in any way. I don't wish to hurt him, he really is a nice guy but I'm not sure at all what to do.
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female
reader, apehkah +, writes (30 May 2009):
apehkah is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthat's true, I'll talk to him tomorrow, probably after church. Thank you for your help! (:
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): well, that sounds like avoidance - in that month he would still have the feelings for you.
so i would maybe tell him - then create the gap as you suggest :)
hugs star.x.
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A
female
reader, apehkah +, writes (30 May 2009):
apehkah is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThough we are technically 'dating' now I still can't see myself with him in the present, nevermind the future. Though it would make it a little more difficult to 'break up' with him because his father is the pastor of my church for one thing. But also one of my closest friends, and his wife both recently had surgeries not far apart from eachother and the only time I get to see either of them right now is at church (They live in a different city). The polite thing to do would be to stay away from the church for a month or so for his sake, since he's not likely going to stop going and I don't want to make it any more difficult for him...but it wouldn't be fair to mislead him either, any suggestions?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): hmmm this reads a little heavy on one side - do you want him? if the answer is no...not really then be polite and honest.
if the answer is yes, then say "look you are too keen to get into my knickers - back off. I don't do that for the first year, until i really know the person."
but you have to decided do you want him - the age thing is in your head. Can you see yourself in 5 year with him? Are you really really into him?
hugs Star.x.
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A
female
reader, LizaA  +, writes (30 May 2009):
Forget what people say about him and love at first sight and all that.He knows how to use you thats what it is... He said that he spent money on you so you would go out with him, he knows that you have doubts about this, yet he is pushing you into it.Anything physical with him makes you uncomfortable, what about when he has 'spent enough money on taking you out' so he feels that he can climb into your bed?because thats where it is heading - or so he is thinking.Tell him that you can offer him friendship and nothing else, and do not go out with men who think that they can buy your attention, becuase in my personal experiance when men mention to me what money they have spent on me, thats cause for a relationship break.
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