A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am almost 16 and I leave school in June. There is a guy i've known for 4 years. Recently i've developed feelings for him and can't get him out of my head. He keeps asking me for sex and I keep turning him down because of our age (he is also 15). He doesn't think there is a problem. Despite not having sex with him, we have done different sexual acts (blowjobs etc). Whenever we do this he then ignores me for days after until he wants to do it again.He also tells his friends what we get up to even though he says he won't so there isn't much trust which a relationship such be built on. Do I tell him how I feel and ruin our friendshipORContinue and feel confused, lose him forever and be used? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): What? It sounds like he has already damaged the friendship himself, so don't worry about ruining the friendship now.
Boys at this age are insensitive, they are not fully developed emotionally and haven't learnt how to relate to women/girls. Basically it's all about the sexual experimentation for this guy. Which is fine, except for the fact that it's hurting you.
But you can have both, if you want. You have the opportunity to set the tone and the standard for how the rest of this thing will play out. Maybe you've let him do certain things to you because you wanted it, but you certainly didn't want to be abandoned afterwards and left feeling used, right?
So basically until this guy learns to start respecting you and acting like an adult (which, well, he isn't) then you shouldn't let him come near you. Telling his friends about it is just more proof of his immaturity.
If I were you, I would put a stop to this. I get that you like him and you're horny too, but the vibe that's coming from your question is sad and used. Tell this guy to back off until he can learn some manners.
He isn't sending you mixed signals. The signal he is sending you is this "I like doing sexy stuff with you and bragging to my friends. I like you because you let me do these things to you and you're easy to use."
A
female
reader, mistakentragedy  +, writes (15 April 2009):
 Hun. I know how you feel. I went through the same thing around that age. I just finally decided that he isn't worth my time. If all he's wanting you for is sex,then you can do so much better. You need someone who won't pressure you into doing the sexual acts or ask you to have sex. You need to wait until you find the right person who has the same feelings as you do.
In my eyes, he looks like a player. He doesn't want anything out of you except sex. I know people like that, and while you may be attracted to him, do you really want everyone to know that you all are fooling around?
It's better to let him know how you feel and be done with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): Good for you for holding back on the sex. You're obviously not that kind of girl.
The truth is you don't really have a friendship where there's any respect for you. I think you've got your head screwed on almost the right way, but if you want to be used like a convenience store then carry on as normal. If not, tell him to go and pay for sexual favours from a professional - he's treating you no better than that and I think you know it.
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