A
female
age
36-40,
*ena1
writes:Hi guy,I wrote before about the porn lie problem.I told you about my husband denying that he watches porn.Well ,today I had conversation with my husband about that,He found on the history porn website that i was looking at,and he asked me if i was watching porn,I said yes I did,and after I asked him if he watches it more often,and he keeps denying ,we barely have sex,and I know he watches porn in the bathroom or when I go out,I even recorded him to make sure That I have proof ,because every time I tell him he does watch it ,he says no.So today,HE said no again about watching it,and I told him to swear ,and he did (which makes me think how big lair he is ,and who know how many times he lied,of course makes me lose trust on him) ,I explained to him it is normal and every one watches porn,and I don't have problem with it,but he kept denying and ask me for proves,so he drive me crazy and I told him that I have proof.I did not want to do that but he kept pushing me.so I let him listen to the record.and he kept lying and tells me that doesnt prove any things ,maybe that ghost or what ever.and after he started telling me I am spying on him.well yes I am ,so he can stop lying at me.He's mad at me; cold,I dont get horny when I am with him anymore,and I said that to him.then he told me that he will never touch me again,I told him I dont really care.Well,I want to know do you think what I did was wrong?and you think I can trust him again?the mort important do you think this is normal marriage,with this husband's attitude?Thank you,hoping to hear from you soon
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): i get what youre saying about trust and everything in relationships, but you forget one thing: YOU LIVE IN NORTH AMERICA!!!!
people here lie on a hourly basis to each other, if you research psychology, and sociology you will learn why people lie to each other over the smallest things. its a human defense mechanism created by the subconsious; the ego, the super ego, and the id.
if youre a real abusive bitch and you ask youre husband "do you find me irritating?" do you think he's going to say yes?
really, people get unbelievably shy and protective of themselves when they are confronted about a personal thing such as masturbating. it doesnt make the situation any better by invading your husbands privacy and recording him watching porn without his knowledge and consent.
invading a spouses privacy, escpcially while theyre masturbating, can really be very embarrassing and degrading, and you have done it more than once. im sure if you were youre husband you would feel infringed upon
yes your husband does have a problem obsessing over porn which should be addressed by a psychiatrist, but you both need to see a psychiatrist to deal with your trust and privacy issues.
what you could do though is either:
- walkin on youre masurbating husband and start to dominate him and force fully give him a blow job and act like you really what sex right the hell now
- or you could walk in on him masturbating and sit down without saying anything, drop your pants and panties and start masturbating intensly (you might need to lube up before for it to work right)
- or you could get divorced or any other option anyone else gave you
but what you are going to have to do is become more aggressive and cut out the privacy invasion and intimidating questioning. it its truely close to bullying and abuse
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): Trust is earned, so the answer is, you can't!
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A
female
reader, lena1 +, writes (22 October 2009):
lena1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I don t care about porn,I visited websites just to make him jealous,and also so he can confess that he watches it.
The problem here he doesnt admit that he is addicted or even he watches it like every other man,he always tell me I am accuse him for no reason and talk like I am the guilty one.
like yesterday even when I showed him the record and he heard the voices he said that doesnt mean any thing and that can be any voice.HE lies to my face,and on top of it he gets attitude.
I told him he is leading me to a bad road ,and how can I trust him after this.and he told me that he doesn't care if I trust him or not,and he did not do anything.
HE KEEP lying.the more I was looking at his face showing me anger and blaming me the more I think on my mind what eles he is lying about and what i got myself into,and that is not the person I felt in love with.
the problem here is not watching porn ,I dont really care if he does,the problem here is lying and copy attitude on top of it.
how can You trust such a person?
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A
female
reader, lena1 +, writes (22 October 2009):
lena1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don t care about porn,I visited websites just to make him jealous,and also so he can confess that he watches it.The problem here he doesnt admit that he is addicted or even he watches it like every other man,he always tell me I am accuse him for no reason and talk like I am the guilty one.like yesterday even when I showed him the record and he heard the voices he said that doesnt mean any thing and that can be any voice.HE lies to my face,and on top of it he gets attitude.I told him he is leading me to a bad road ,and how can I trust him after this.and he told me that he doesn't care if I trust him or not,and he did not do anything.HE KEEP lying.the more I was looking at his face showing me anger and blaming me the more I think on my mind what eles he is lying about and what i got myself into,and that is not the person I felt in love with.the problem here is not watching porn ,I dont really care if he does,the problem here is lying and copy attitude on top of it.how can You trust such a person?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): Your problem is not different, you aren't paying attention. Addicts LIE. End of story.You have to accept that your husband is addicted to porn and by you staying in this relationship you are enabling his addiction. You aren't going to fix this. He has the problem. A d if you think the solution is for you to watch porn by yourself then you have a problem too.Not everyone watches porn, sorry it is a myth.If you both enjoy watching it together and it leads to more sex for you as a couple, then great I guess there is not a problem, but that isn't the case here.Porn is a substitute for true intimacy for the both of you.Seek counseling or seek to end the marriage if you can't work this out.
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A
female
reader, lena1 +, writes (22 October 2009):
lena1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy problem is different,he keeps lying about it even when I showed him prove,and we are New couple and we barely have sex like once a month.I ve never thought this person would lie to me one day,but I was wrong.I am really disappointed,who know what else he lied about. lately I started watching porn too,just to convince myself I am doing the same,and also to make him jealous.but when he finds it in the history ,he starts talking like he doesn't watch it at all,I cant believe he kept lying even when I showed him prove.and on top of that he started making faces and defying me ,He got me to the point ,to tell him I am not interested of having sex with him anymore,and that is the truth,because before I always think about him and I get horny,Now nothing,and that because he became cold .I am wandering if this marriage going to last for years,because this is our 1st year and we have many problem,what will happen in the future.I found him watching porn in our 1st week of marriage,what he is going to do after a year,have a girlfriend.I am so sad,god who knows how do I feel right now.and by the way he is 35years old.and I am 22years old.
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