A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Sorry for the length of this...I met a guy on an online dating site about a month ago. After chatting for a little bit, he disappeared. Then he wrote me an email saying that he wasn't up to chatting at the moment as a close co-worker had committed suicide and he was also getting over the flu and he would contact me when he was doing better. I responded that of course, please take all the time he needs and he could get back to me when he was ready. The thing is I noticed that he was logging into the site after he said he wasn't able to talk..everyday for a couple of days. Then he got back to me and we started chatting again. We went out on a date, and had a blast. The only thing was that he realized that he knew my sister and had even had a crush on her. But, we seemed to move on from that. He tracked me down on FB and started sending me texts about my status, etc. He then asked me to meet for drinks after work just as I was leaving, but I couldn't as I was meeting up with a friend. He wasn't too pleased and didn't contact me for almost a week.He eventually contacted me again, and we made a date for that week, but he cancelled it, saying that he didn't want to ruin my Friday as chances are that he was going to have to work late. I later found out that he didn't even go to work that day as he first said. Another week went by and I heard nothing. He eventually called and asked if I wanted to go out on a Sat night. I said I would love to, but my friends had planned a night out for my bday. We agreed to go for dinner that Thur instead. We went for dinner, and then a movie, and had a great time. However, during dinner he mentioned that he was taking another girl to the concert on Sat. I was surprised he was telling me this, but purposely didn't react. He stopped himself at one point, and made a point of telling me that she was just a really good friend, and it was not a date, but then went on to say that she wanted to date him not too long ago. At the end of the date he told me he really liked me and had a good time with me. He also got me a bday present, which I thought was quite thoughtful of him. However, after 2 dates we still hadn't kissed. I texted him the next day to thank him for dinner and the gift. On the Sat he texted to wish me happy bday and then I heard nothing. On the Monday I decided to text him and he never replied. So, I sent him an email on FB at the end of the week and asked if he wanted to go see a movie on Tuesday evening. He never responded to the email and I had gone to stay at a friend's cottage where my cell phone provider does not have coverage, but she has internet access. When I got back into town four days later and my coverage resumed, and I saw that I had a text from him. He said he was sorry that he had been a bad "friend" and we should do something sometime. No answer to my asking him out for Tuesday, and he referred to us as friends. I responded back to him in an upbeat manner, and his response was "that was 4 days ago". We texted a bit with him responding in one word answers. I finally said "I'm doing find in case you wondered" after which he didn't respond again. I sent him an email on FB explained that I had been out of town, and apologized for being snippy in my text. I really had started to like this guy, and am really disappointed in how things have turned out. I don't know if there is anything I can do to get him interested or if it's not worth it. I'm very confused about this and not sure if he was ever really interested. Why buy me a bday present and stuff and then suddenly disappear? I also don't know now whether to believe him about the co-worker b/c he was still going on the site and stuff when he said he didn't feel up to chatting. He also seems to have limited my access to see what he posts on FB. I would like to try and really get to know him, but not sure how to accomplish that without looking desperate or as if I am nagging/chasing him.
View related questions:
co-worker, crush, move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (7 December 2011):
I think even by online dating standards there is a lot of miscommunication occurring. It seems like both of you have a lot going on and there is never the right time. For example I know you have good reasons to reject his offers but it is still rejection. Likewise you look at the little things he says which he (I am 100% sure) forgets, but you clearly remember it and it seems more of an issue to you than him.
I don't really want to dig into a lot of things being said because I don't think it helps me to understand the person he is at all. For example you question why he goes to the site even though he does not want to chat. But I can tell you that guys will do that sometimes out of habit. He isn't your boyfriend after all and there is no way you can know everything about him nor does he owe you that level of commitment where he has to explain all his actions. Maybe he clicked the site out of habit? Maybe someone msged him and he feels obligated to reply? I mean...aren't you going on the site as well? Wouldn't he see you being active on the site as well?
There are too many questions and is way too easy to get worked up over these things which I think ultimately have no meaning. What I can say is that there is no proper communication between the two of you. Perhaps it is his fault but it could just be bad timing on both parts. You can either be patient and maybe he will eventually come around or just move on because it does seem like you have spent a lot of time and things would have normally developed by now but it hasn't. You can't really force people to be interested. Also you deserve to be happy so just be patient, be good and be happy and who knows, someone new will come along.
All the best
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 It sounds to me like he is just keeping his options open at the minute. He was clear in saying to you that he is only a friend, this tells me that he is probably meeting lots of girls to see which one best fits him. I guess it is a hit or miss with him really. He just wants friendship at the moment and I guess there is not a lot that you really can do about this to make him change his mind. Maybe he has a phobia of commitment or it could very well mean that he already has a girlfriend.
Don't contact him again, as you have already made it clear that you are interested, he is the one that keeps vanishing so leave it up to him to contact you next, show him that you are not going to chase him and that you are not just available at the drop of a hat. Maybe he might come around. But I would be careful because I don't think he is very serious about you and I would hate for you to get hurt. So try and just look at him for the moment as a friend and nothing else.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): No No No. Stay away.
He said he couldn't talk, offered what seemed reasonable reasons yet ACTIONS did not ALIGN WITH WORDS. Lying.
He wasn't pleased and with held his presence for a week. A form of control and abusive.
He told you he was dating someone else. (serial cheater tendancies) He also said it to read you. Wanting a response, jealousy. HE is INTO GAMES.
Let this immature idiot go. There are way too many flags on unhealthy, irresponsible behaviours.
A Man that is interested- YOU WOULD KNOW and not be guessing or pursuing him. This isnt that guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): You sound silly. You know exactly what this guy is. Are you really that lonely?
...............................
|
