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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: Im in a great confusion about my part as a parent in my 2 addicted sons life. It is becoming a turmoil to me.The story started 10 years ago, when they both were teenagers. And the confusions too.So long story short, they were good kids, but some still not clear causes ,why they had very turbulent times from age 13,they made bad choices.. Everything went down. Me and my husband tried to deal with it,but it got out of hands several times. I mean the confusion about our part as a parent and family ,and what is their part. So ,if they are in rehab or other therapy,or they just meet with friends, they tell them,to stay close to your family, you need mom and dad,and your sister and brother. Grandparents not included,as they are ashamed of this. So when I go to my therapy, they say,''you should live your own life, you should not let this distracting people destroy you. Take a vacation ,etc. WELL, it is freaking confusing. Should i stay involved and cry over on every news and every horrid action they have,or go sailing,and just pray for them? I hope ,I described the situation properly. I do have boundaries,they dont live with us, and we dont give money for drugs. BUT basically one side says close the doors, the other says ,leave it open, stay involved. Like their other siblings dont want to do anything with them,because,their life is difficult enough.So ,IS THIS IN THEIR HANDS,OR AM I SUPPOSE TO KEEP TRYING? My heart is broken,but I don't see how to live this life with this horrid,painful,shameful tragedy. Could you please help me a bit?
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female
reader, petina1  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Theyve been living this kind of life for years. I don't think anything you do now will help if it didnt work then. All you can do is to be there when they need you. Encourage them to seek help if they want it but they'll only change their lives if they want to. Unfortunately the way of the world is drugs/alcohol, sex and many people choose that as a way of life. You sound like you tried your best and all you can do now is maybe find a professional to help you deal with what you can't fix. Try to live your life now and get what you can from it and keep an eye on all the other things that are out of your control.
A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Your bond as a mother makes your love for your sons unconditional, no matter how much they hurt you your there for them.
Your sons need professional help and that is beyond what you can give them. You can still be there for them, arrange the help and get involved in that way but you alone cannot fix this. If rehab has failed in the past, dont give up trying, find another rehab program if possible.
It is also very important that you have "you time", it is important that you can remove yourself from the situation from time to time to give yourself a break. You dont have to run off forever, just give yourself time and space alone away from everything.
Take a mini vacation, go shopping, go out with friends even just go for a walk. Use that time for yourself, be selfish.
I hope this works out for you all.
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