A
female
age
30-35,
Heartbroken-xx
writes:I always feel like I bottle my emotions, and I don't let out how I really feel. This isn't a question, this is a chance to tell the world how I really feel. I hope it will make me feel better.I say things I know I don't mean, but I say them anyways, knowing that the next day I will apologize for them. I want boys that I know I can't have, or I'll want a boy until they want me back, and then I somehow won't feel the same way. (In most cases)I make desicions on my first instinct. I don't think anything through, and the most times I get in trouble for them.I blame god for everything that goes wrong in my life.I don't know how to handle a break up. I've been beat up by a girl who thought I wanted her boyfriend.Even when I know the other person is wrong in a fight, I always end up apologizing, especially if they are a guy.I always involve myself in problems that I have nothing to do with, and I am fast to pick sides.Especially if it involves my sister or my best friend.I like to think I am tough.Somedays, I will like certain people, and somedays I won't.I am so dramatic, I take something so little, and make it into something very serious.I miss my first serious boyfriend I ever had sometimes, even though we broke up a year ago.I love my second serious boyfriend, with all my heart.Even though I deny it sometimes. I would put my whole life on hold for him.Alot of girls hate me, because they all think I want to take there boyfriend.I don't have any respect for authority, my parents, the police or my teachers. I hate when people try to tell me what to do, I will blow up in there face.I think I can handle everything on my own, I hate leaning on people for help, when it comes to emotional problems.I love attention.I have two personalities.I try to control my boyfriends, but I like to do whatever I want, whenever I want.I had sex with four boys in one year and I got STD'S from two of them.Now that I have admitted some of my biggest problems, no longer can people say I am in denial.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): You are amazing, i dont know you, but i think you have some guts to say how you really feel on the internet and speak out loud like that. It must have took some courage. Well done. And i think most off what your going through is down to growing up, hormonal teenage life. I went through it all, and hated most people around me, got into some serious trouble aswell, but you soon grow out off most off them stages anyway. But your amazing, and have some guts. xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009): im proud of you. you know i feel like some of those things alot now. i am very face to get offensive with what people say about others and really it is none of my business. I honestly don't think people can help others with emotional issues. i think they can give advice but to actually know what someone is dealing with emotionally is hard. I have worked on my issues alot over the last two years. I have had people say that they see improvements in me. I want people to think im tough too although really i am hurting inside. my mother died when i was 9 and i grew up without a father he died 4 years after her and so i was raised by my gm and she did it alone. I learned that you can't depend on anyone for anything you have to do it yourself. well thats not true somethings you can get help with.I think that all of what you said applies to me except the last part about the boys. I have only been with 2 in my life and one of them i married the other i was engaged to. so you know although sometimes things don't look good for us it really is somewhere. I have yet to see it but it is there. i am sure of that. you keep working on getting your emotions to gether you can do it. it has taken me two years to get some of mine together, but it is a work in progress. you can do it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): Wow, you know I dont know you, but I must say I'm really proud and amazed that you've bee able to admit all that!
I feel the same about liking different people at different times, and saying things I don't mean, it sucks :(
But I think part of it is just being a teenager, having changing emotions and all that, but thanks for this post, you have guts!
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