A
male
age
36-40,
*hilly
writes:Ive been dating my g/f for about 6 months now, and shes pressuring me to have a threesome with one of her friends. The third person is a female, and it should be my fantasy to have it, but i extremly dislike the idea. i love her very much and i suppose i feel like it would be unfaithful to her. i also feel that it makes her unfaithful to me. im not sure if i should do it or not, and if i choose not to, how to convey the fact that i dont like the idea. help :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): I am glad there are some decent men out there. maybe you should be thinking about the type of person your g.f. is..maybe she doesn't have the same morals as you do and isn't long term commitment material? I wouldn't do this if it's not what you want. I would never share someone I love with anyone else. I believe that 3 somes cause resentment in the future of relationships. Talk to your g.f. honestly and tell her it's just not in who you are to have a 3 some because you love her and don't want to be with another girl.
A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Whatever you do -- don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with, I don't care how much you love this girl! If it feels wrong, it will be wrong for you. I don't know how many of these posts I've seen, where the guy gives in, has the threesome, only to find out it infuriated his girlfriend with jealousy and then the whole relationship is ruined. Don't do it. Intimacy should be between two people, and only two people.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): All replies from females up to now!Now for the male perspective!If you find her pal attractive then why not go for it? Most fellas have just such a fantasy and here you are being offered it on a plate and you're dithering! She's only a girlfriend, not a wife and as such is fairly easily replaceable if it all turns to ratshit!Get in there and enjoy it, but see if you could perhaps get hold of some Viagra if the intention is to see to both of them, because you'll surely need some help.You lucky chap!Phil
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): I have had a lot of threesomes with my boyfriend and we have been together about 10yrs now. It does not reflect anything about lack of commitment or anything of the sort! It was a joint decision that we were both happy with. Our relationship is great and couldn't be happier. However, it was OUR joint decision - not one person's while the other person got bullied into it. This won't work and it will cause problems in your relationship. Even for some people who think they are ready, they may not be and it can cause problems even then. So any doubts - which you are having, don't do it. Tell her exactly what you said here and good luck.
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A
female
reader, jem  +, writes (30 July 2007):
Well i think if your girlsfriend loves you she wouldn't want you to do this , i would be horrifed if i had to watch my Bf have sex with another women in front of me, if she loves you she won't want you to do this but may be you should tell her how you feel because may be she thinks that what you want to do
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Don't do it. Your relationship will fall apart. It takes a particular kind of relationship to handle threesomes and most relationships are not that kind. Personally I think threesomes indicate a total lack of commitment. If your girlfriend keeps suggesting it I'd wonder about her sincerity about your relationship.
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A
female
reader, shivon1705 +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Dont do ANYTHING unless your 100% sure you want to do it
dont let yourself be pushed into anything you dont want to do hun you need to talk to your girlfriend and tell her how you feel and how you have too much respect for her that you dont want to have a 3sum you sound like a really nice young man sweety
your girlfriend needs to understand your not comfortable with what shes proposing she seems really intrested in having a 3sum with another girl have you thought maby she is bi sexual or still finding her sexuality? it seems shes really intrested in this girl aswel as you hun, and she must feel really comfortable with the both of you to be willing to sleep with you both at free will, shes litrally begging you to let her sleep with you and another woman
you really need to talk to her hun but dont be too harsh she may be sensitive to around this area of her life
just be really carm let her no you love her and just want to no she loves you enough t drop the idea because your not comfortable with it
just sit her down just you and her maby have dinner set the scene a little bit then get into a really deep convosation about both of your lifes really open up to each other :)
good luck hun
keep us posted xxx
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Hi, just be honest and tell her how you feel.I dont think that this is a good idea - It is sure to cause problems in the future. You may want to make her happy but dont do something you dont want to.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (30 July 2007):
 I am with you on this one. Im more into one on one.
Its very rarely successful having threesoms & i think you're asking for trouble if you get into that.
C xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): Just tell her its not for you and exactly why - just as you have explained on this site. You are entitled to do exactly as you wish and should never EVER be forced into a sexual act you are not comfortable with. You could call her bluff and say it thats what she wants find another bloke to make the threesome. It sounds like she's just experimenting - the trouble is there is no going back on something like that. You could suggest that you and her watch porn together that involves this kind of thing? This might satisfy her fantasy - however fantasies are often best left as just that. If you don't want to do it - don't. If this causes you to split up then it wasn't a loving relationship on her part after all was it.
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