A
male
age
36-40,
*4s3
writes:This is gonna be a long question...I fell in love with my best friend's girlfriend and I mean...completely. Never felt about someone that way. She's beautiful and has a deep personality, which I think doesn't fit with my friend at all. Don't get me wrong, I like everything about the guy, but for some reason I feel it doesn't quite fit. She's the type of girl who's into philosophy n shit and probably the only seriously stunning girl who actually holds an intelligent guy in higher regard than the dumb prettyboy, and trust me, men fall over for her when she's in a bar. My friend is somewhat of a jock though and looking at them both interacting...it's always struck me as kind of a mismatch and for some reason when we were out she always kind of drifted towards me and we clicked perfectly ( especially when we were both drunk ) I didnt try anything, although I think she's attracted to me in some way. We had one moment where we were both drunk and almost kissed each other, but held ourselves back at the last second. I didnt want to do that to my best friend. This was about 4 years ago when us 3 were studying in China. She went back to Spain a year ago and I went back to Germany 4 years ago. Last time I saw her was about 3 years ago, she insisted that I come to Spain with my best friend who was visiting her. That just went terribly wrong, cause before that I just had to play the part of best friend for a couple of hours or a day, when I saw them. This was a whole week, being together with her and she giving me definite signs of being into me aswell. Like suddenly rubbing sunlotion all over my body at the beach, when my friend was at some store getting drinks. Know what I mean? I felt like a complete asshole the whole time, cause my conscious kept telling me I can't do this shit to my friend, so I pushed her away most of the time and was distant. On top of that my heart broke every time I saw them smooching around. So this weird tension was between us both and I didnt quite know what was going on. Her intentions towards me especially. It was a weird thing...either we didnt talk at all or really tough conversationflow and when we did click it was dripping with sexual tension. And she did weird things like when we were sitting in her apartement a discussion came up, who's gonna go down to the mcdonalds and get the food and she urged her boyfriend, my best friend, to go get it. Like she wanted to be alone with me oO. Anyway...I left Spain and felt like a dumbass for behaving pretty shitty and depressed in Spain. So I tried to explain it to her with an email. I was drunk at the time, so I spilled the beans to her, that I'm in love with her and I felt like a scumbag for it and all this shit. She didnt repsond for like 3 months and then send me this: " First of all, sorry but i really didn't have time for writting you back, and to be honest i didn't know what to say. No, i didn't say anything to flori but the point of making wait for such a long time is that i need time to think, to think what to tell you, time to let you calm down and maybe to hate me or to forget me, i hope that doesnt sound arrogant for you because that is not what i have in mind. Even if you don't believe me, i just wanna say you are an important person for me, maybe sounds like a excuse.... but that is up to you. I never pretent to hurt you or to play with you, quite the opposite and i hope you can understand me. If i have to choose, i would rather prefer being your friend if you cannot accept that i will respect if you dont wanna talk to me, but i just want to let you know that as a friend i will be always for you, i know i wrote you kind of late, and you must be pissed... i dont expect an answer but Just think about that. " After that our contact broke off...until about 6 months ago she contacted me on facebook, telling me to come visit her in Spain and if it's only for 3 days. Apparently she and my friend broke up couple of months before that. My friend also wrote me a mail at one point that he knew I fell for her all along. Now...she's urging me to come visit her in Spain...for what? I dont get it...any woman who read through this whole scramble of a story...any insight into this girl's mind? Is she interested in me beyond just being friends, or am I seeing this wrong? I just scrateched the surface of this stuff, it's complicated and confusing as hell. Especially my relationship with her. When we're sober and both alone it's awkward and tough...and at one point she told me she left Spain, cause she cheated on her boyfriend with his best friend...I think she felt guilty about that still and she didnt want to do it again with me I think...so when we were alone she didn't dare speak to me and I didnt speak with her, cause I didnt want to hurt my friend...Both of us didnt want to create any attraction towards each other, although it was bubbling just beneath the surface. That's why when were both drunk or tipsy all the feelings spewed out, we got along fucking perfectly and it always escelated into major flirting. Anyway...yeah...the question remains...What should I do? Should I visit her in Spain? My friend is there now too...he moved there...she said they broke up, but are still friends...I think my friend still loves her though, otherwise he wouldn't have freakin moved there without knowing the language. Should I visit them? and back to the main question...Is she interested in me, beyond just being friends? I mean...Why would she invite me to her house in Spain if she wasn't right? But I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't, cause she's complicated to say the least.
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best friend, broke up, depressed, drunk, facebook, fell in love, flirt Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): leave her alone man ... she sounds like trouble.
A
female
reader, hippie18  +, writes (27 September 2010):
 Long question indeed. =)
Needless to say, yes she wants to try and see how things will go with you too since from the beginning it's never been actually initiated. For my point of view though, you need to determine how okay it is with your best friend that you visit her. Face it, when you go over there, you'll have room to finally let your desires run into each other without having complications of you hurting your best friend or her cheating on him.
She's letting you know that she wants you, yeah it's cause she misses you and wants you to visit you but don't be surprised it it leads to a little amore.
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A
male
reader, savron  +, writes (27 September 2010):
 Man you are in a difficult situation but your just gonna have to continue to play it with a straight bat as it sounds like you have up to now. You will have to contact her and remind her how you felt about her and ask whether her feelings have changed because otherwise it would only put you back in a painful situation to come to where she is. Your friend and her are not together so if she has changed in her feelings and would like to know you better then it would surely be okay to develop the relationship. Although, how your friend will react is difficult to say. You could keep him up to date but to be honest that may not help. At the end of the day if your feelings for this girl are still strong you owe it to yourself and her to pursue the relationship otherwise you may live with the regret. Play it straight and good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): Seems like she just pushed you away to stay faithful to whom she was with. She loved him and was attracted to you, so she pushed you away to protect him.
Now that he's out of the picture, go to her and see where she stands.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 September 2010):
 Sounds like she is the sort of girl that gets plenty of attention from men and she is just playing around with your head, honestly what do you see happening? this is not a good situation to get involved with, move on and dont get involved with her, that would make you a horrible friend, stay away from her.
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