A
male
age
,
*peedystill
writes:This is COMPLICATED !!!I'm a dancer, I dance on stage as a demonstrator to an instructor teaching others how to dance, I'm very popular because I have a sense of humour and I'm very strong ! (don't consider myself attractive) I am in a position where, as they say "I could play the field" but I'm really into a steady relationship and not one night stands, I have to really become involved with someone before I would go to bed with them, because understanding and affection are very important for me, maybe because I saw my mum beaten by my drunken father when I was small. I have a number of close female friends who I have always told of my relationships (to much Mr Nice guy, get taken advantage of you see) and after my (long distance) relationship failed, one of my friends told me that she would never treat me this way if she were with me.I said " but you're a married woman so that would never happen" but she went on and told me how she had always felt about me and she understood me and my love of poetry (I write a lot of poetry) in our conversations over the years she had told me how her husband was a control freak and used mental abuse a lot ! Her life in bed is basically as a sex slave object and just there for his pleasure, I have seen him at dance venues and I've watched him leave early and just sit in the car because of some mood he was in, it's common knowledge to everyone! But they don't know that when she gets in the car he says " lets see how fast we can get home" and drives at over 100mph to make her fearfull and cry.With all this in mind (relating to my dad being the pig he was) when she pushed me a little further on us talking in private? I went along with her (she had put a very sincere poem on her Face book page and told me to read it, because it was for me from her) That poem blew me away and we started an affair (something that I hate ! Because my wife did it) But it is an affair of mostly affection and tenderness, in four months we have been to bed twice and I made love to her, not had sex with her.The really sad thing she said to me the first time in bed was "I'll do anything you want, I want to please you" I found that awful and said so, I could see how she was so conditioned to sex by her husband, I just caressed and kissed her body all over and she said it was the most amazing thing to feel really loved, we are in love and it's the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with, knowing that she is going home to him and the way he See's her as an object of his desire. She has asked me to look for a flat (I live rented room) so she can get away from him to start divorce proceedings, she can't do it while she is there because he takes all her self esteem and is so controling. But this is where it gets even more complicated ? At almost the same time I met this lady that I love, I also found the one ! Dance partner I had been waiting to dance with in the four and a half years since I started dancing, at the end of our first dance, I lent forward and said "That's the dance I've always wanted, you are perfect for me" and she agreed and one week later we decided to enter our first competition that is due in November, we have been practising long and hard, everyone at dance venues are talking about how good we look, they say it looks like we have been together years ! And that's the impression we want to give, we gel, I feel fantastic dancing with her and she feels the same, she really is my Ginger Rodgers.We laugh constantly when we rehearse and at every dance night we are always both genuinely smiling, because we both feel so good in each others arms, we absolutely love dancing together and to be honest, neither of us enjoy dancing with anyone else! We have advanced so much in such a short time, we have even been asked to dance in a "Murder mystery night" at a very large venue (it's called Murder on the dance floor) We will be the stars of the show. My problem is the jealousy of the woman I love and am having the affair with, she says she is going to leave her husband and wants me to herself (literally) She hates the amount of time I spend with my dance partner, she hates the fact that she can't go into competition with me (to be honest, she is not good enough) she has told me to not let her come to dance at our local dance venue because she can't stand watching me dancing with her all night, whereas she can only ask me for a couple of dances because it would be to obvious to others of our affair.The thing is, that I really do love her, yet she tries to control me like her husband does to her and when I question things that he may be doing at night when I'm alone at home, she says it never happens (yes I'm sure it's the same old story everyone says when they are having an affair) I have said that you have a cheek, to tell me what I should and shouldn't do and you stay with your husband ? I understand that she is scared of him, but I have told her to take legal advice because I don't want us to get found out, as he might get to violent with her and I won't be there to protect her, I said "if you don't love the man, just divorce him" then we can be a normal couple. My dance partner has become my best friend and she knows about the affair and says it's my life and doesnt want to see me hurt, I don't want to lose the woman I love, but I also don't want to lose the woman that makes me feel like I'm Fred Astaire when we dance and between dances we are like a double act, we never stop laughing, there have been no sexual relations between us and it is very unlikely to happen, as I am not attraced to her in that way and I think it's for the best, because if we were a couple and our relationship failed, I would be lost ! Because no one feels like she does, unless you dance it's very hard to explain.I know that if the woman I love leaves her husband, then she will make me stop dancing with my partner and I think that will build a re-sentment towards her, in me. There is a large dance weekend coming up, with well over a thousand dancers from all over the UK and the woman I love, thinks that I may find a single woman and leave her, I think she may be plannig to tell her husband to stop me going because she is so jealous, but I think that is for all the wrong reasons, I'm really not sure what sort of a life I would have with her, as much as I love her, could I truly trust her ??? My love for her is a strong as my love for that special dance with my partner (which is every dance) I think I have to make a choice, I want both and if it were not for jealuosy I could have that, I just don't know what to do?? I'm torn, torn like I've never known......what advice can you give me please !
View related questions:
affair, best friend, divorce, drunk, ginger, jealous, married woman, one night stand, self esteem, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): Hi
I am a dancer'contemporary' and understand what you are saying, dancing is a great love of mine too. I also undersatand the intamacy that exists between dancers and that it can be quite confusing for a partner to see this strange closeness. I think to be fair to your lady who does obviously enjoy a dance herself, why not ask if she would be interested in developing in dance. If she say's no! then you should not stop enjoying doing it yourself, but do consider your lady's feelings
I can see an ongoing issue here though, but it depends on what or who you really want. I once had the perfect dance partner myself, hand and glove match but i was single.
spunky monkey
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): Your married lover is going to have to get herself out of her marriage. For your own safety, break up with her until she gets out and has been out for at least a year. He sounds like a nutcase that would hurt or maybe even try to kill you because of her.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): You should give the married woman an ultimatum
...............................
|
