A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So for the last few years I've been pretty hung up on my ex (let's call her Kate). I haven't spoken to her since we broke up over 3 years ago, but I can't get her out of my head, even now.I have a girl I'm seeing now (let's call her Amy) and she's the first girl in a long time that I really like. We're seeing each other pretty regularly over the last couple of months and we are hitting it off really well. We're attracted to each other, we have fun together, and I can tell that she sees us heading towards a relationship.I'm not terribly opposed to the idea of a relationship, but Amy isn't the first girl I've been with since Kate and so far nothing has stopped me from being emotionally stuck on Kate.I do really care for Amy and don't want to lead her on, but I can already tell she's probably not the one. Part of me wants to just enjoy things for how they are right now and see how things progress from there. But the rest of me is petrified by the fact that after 3 years and a number of girls I was seeing casually I finally find someone I like enough to want to make my girlfriend, and still all I can think about is Kate.There's no chance of me and Kate getting back together down the line, there's too much emotional damage on both sides, and she's still dating the guy she started seeing immediately after we broke up. But I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle this anymore. It's painful to even think about Kate, but when the subject of love or romance comes to mind it's all I can think about.How can I come to terms with this? What do I do? Should I just give up on finding something better that will help me forget? Should I stop seeing Amy? I'm an emotional wreck in general lately (for various reasons) and with this subject weighing on me I'm afraid I may end up taking things out on Amy due to my poor emotional state.Is there something wrong with me? Is there something I need to do to turn this corner? I'm at a point where I'd kill every romantic sentiment in my body just to make these feelings die. But I'm a romantic at heart, I hate breaking hearts, and I can't seem to fix my own.Please, any help or advice you can offer would be appreciated. How should I deal with this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually I don't talk to Kate. Haven't since about a month after we first broke up. I am not friends with her on facebook and I haven't looked her up in quite some time. The only reason i know she's still with the guy is b/c I noticed him in her profile picture on an old post she left on my wall that I forgot to delete.
I realized very quickly that any contact with her was counter-productive. Haven't so much as said hi in years.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2013): The right thing is to slow things down with Amy. She deserves to be with someone who sees long term potential, not a guy who just wants to see how things play out. If you already know she isn't "the one," why are you wasting her time and both of your emotions?As unlikely as this might seem to you, you'll get over Kate. The less you keep tabs on her the better and no more contact! (You shouldn't even know that she's still with the guy she, let's face it, cheated on you with.) Three years isn't that much time, especially considering the circumstances of your break up. (She left you for another guy and most likely, continues to play games with you. Let me guess, you two still talk...)It's true, time does heal all wounds. One day, Kate will be a distant memory, just give it some time! Don't get into a relationship just to be in a relationship. Wait until you're emotionally ready to be a wonderful boyfriend. For your own sake, eliminate Kate from your life. Zero contact going forward!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): hey i know what you are going through ,you want to move on, but she always there in your mind, and being with someone else, it can be enjoyable, but no matter how you get along with the new one, your true love is with her yet, hey am doing the same thing , am with a wonderful woman, but my heart tells me am still in in love, when you love someone, it isnt the same as being in love, when i was younger the only way i got over a love, was the new one dumps me then i miss her an forget about the old one, but am older now an my heart is still crying, good luck to the both of us, women rather be with bad boys not us good guys an that's the truth.
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A
female
reader, malvern  +, writes (27 March 2013):
 There is nothing wrong with you. It is perfectly normal to continue loving and thinking about somebody long after a relationship breaks up. The greatest healer is time. Eventually you will get over it. You are doing the right thing in dating other girls but please enjoy being with them for the people that they are and try not to make comparisons to your ex girlfriend.There is often a tendency after a broken relationship to only ever remember the good times you had with your ex girlfriend. Try to remember some of the times when things were not so perfect. Was she really the wonderful person you thought she was? Is she thinking about you these days? Has her life moved on and you're history to her? I tried this line of thinking after a broken relationship and it helped me a lot. I began to wonder why on earth I was getting myself all upset about somebody who longer cared or had any time for me and was busy getting on with his own life. I eventually moved on and met somebody else. I then realised that my relationship with my ex had not been right for me at all. I hope this helps.
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