A
female
age
30-35,
*elfConsciousBabe
writes:I've been in a relationship with a guy who is 3 yrs older than I. We are both still virgins and we want to have sex, but everytime we try to, something happens and it gets put off. I love when he holds me and kisses me and such, but I'm afraid he won't like what he sees when we get to doing it for the first time. How do I get over being self-conscious or getting to acknowledge me?? How can I communicate with him on taking it up another notch, as he's already given me oral?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): You are way too worried about what he will think when you do become intimate. In truth a man is not as obsessive as the woman about his nor her body. A man in love delights in all her bits, navels, nipples, even if one breast is bigger than another. He loves it all, because it is YOU. He is just thrilled that you are happy to make love with him. When a man loves a woman he truly finds it all wonderful. As does the woman as her confidence grows, once she finds out how much fun making love is between two people in love with each other.
Do his actions suggest he utterly and completely adores you? It would seem that the answer is yes, if he has been with you for three years.
But i would still want to know if he does have longer term intentions towards you, before you consumate a sexual relationship?
Because some guys don't stay around once they have made love - but that is the usually the guy who gets it easily and quickly from a girl.
Whereas your guy is much more special than that because you've known each other for three years. That augers well for your future relationship.
Ask yourself how much you trust him and how much he trusts you?
Because good sex requires great mutual trust between the two of you.
Making love is an intimate relationship that can make you feel vulnerable, that's why the presence of trust and respect is so essential, and thus makes everything much better.
And it builds a positive rapport, which adds to the pleasure.
As long as both lovers are mutually in agreement and comfortable with what is happening then all should go well
I get the feeling that you want him to indicate his desire for you?
He's seems a very patient man. Willing to wait, where a more insistent man may have made his desire more obvious much sooner.
Yet maybe he needs the green light from you?
A month before you think you might be ready to push for a more intimate relationship go on the contraceptive pill as it needs a full one month cycle before it works.
As you are both virgins it is unlikely either of you would have any STD, but you could start as you mean to go on and also use a condom. But do not rely on a condom alone for 100 per cent certain birth control. Because condoms can let you down.
That's why The Pill is essential.
He's being very respectful of your boundaries. You have allowed oral.
How do you communicate that you desire him?
You tell him what you love about him. You tell him when he makes you feel good. You encourage him verbally when he makes the moves that feel good to you. You lean into him when you want more.
You get up close, very close and smell his after shave and murmur your approval in a slow sexy tone, whisper into his ear, give him eyelash kisses on his cheek, his tummy, and keep on encouraging him in what he does to you that feels good. Asking him for more when he's doing it right.
And you let him know you heard his similar appreciation verbally directed at you.
Because a relationship works best when you are in sync.
And both travel together, wanting the same thing at the same time.
Before you get to that stage I would expect a couple comfortable with each other to touch each other more often, hug more often. And want to kiss, and extend the kiss to last for ages.
I would expect the man to want to kiss your lips, explore your mouth, your ears, your neck, and extend that to your breasts.
You also need your own private space where you know that no one will interupt you while you do this exploring.
Put on some slow sensual soft music.
Shower together or have a bath together.
Ensure the bedroom area has lovely new sheets and smells as fresh as a daisy.
Untidy rooms are passion killers.
Before a couple becomes intimate there are many signs that he desires you.
And most men push the parmeters, inch by inch, exploring, touching, kissing the woman all over.
But it is not about the man doing all the work. I would expect a woman interested in a man would find more opportunities to press her body into her man, especially when standing together, in private, to greet him. And feel totally relaxed in his presence. I would expect her not to flinch when she felt his erection pressing through his clothing.
And perhaps feel anticipation and excitement once she has experienced the joy of it a few times.
And maybe at first she will not realise her private area has become more moist, but he will notice, and he will understand that sign, showing that she too has become aroused and excited.
And i would expect him to never get embarrassed, in private, when alone with her, if he did get an erection.
His erection between her and him, where both want to take things further would indicate his immediate desire for her.
And if she desired more i would expect her to touch his bulge to show she trusted him, and was not over-awed by the prospect of his erection.
And men love it when their woman expresses love and awe at the sight of his penis. They love it when the woman wants to touch his member, gently handle it, start to kiss his penis. He will be more than willing to give her more encouragement.
Especially when she wants to run her tongue all over the length, and around the tip. Treat it like the best cylindrical long candy she have ever lovingly licked and held in her mouth.
After that a couple is more likely to want to kiss mouth to mouth, and align their bodies.
Nature will start setting the pace.
When it happens it should be a natural progression towards something both want.
When he starts to suck her nipples, she knowing he has an erection already, then it is likely she would start to feel excited, not hesitant.
Any over anxious worried reactions will act as passion killers.
Worrying ''what will other people think?'' is an absolute waste of either his or her time.
And remember parents did it.
So did grand parents
And great grandparents
And so on
Otherwise a person would not be on this world.
And then a person would never have even been given the opportunity to discover just how wonderful making love is.
But please go on the pill.
A couple need a few years of lovemaking before they even think of babies.
smart couples certainly do not want a baby nine months after their first lovemaking debut
Just relax and enjoy it when it happens
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 How long have you been a couple? Perhaps you just need more time with him? If you've only been together a couple of months it might still be a bit early for you?
How did you feel when he gave you oral? Do you think you'll be able to let him do it again? Don't push yourself into doing things you are not comfortable with, or add pressure on yourself. That will only increase your fears and uneasiness. Instead try a lot of cuddles and kisses, while nude, without thinking it will always lead somewhere. Just getting used to each others bodies. Then when you feel a moment of courage, or feel relaxed enough, do something you've not done before, or let him go down on you again.
The only good way to communicate this with him, that you want to take it up a notch, but that you are scared of it at the same time, is to talk to him. You can talk while dressed, or talk while naked and cuddling. Talk where you feel most comfortable discussing the topic of intimacy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): When you say, "everytime we try to...", I'd be curious to know if you're planning "everytime". The reason I wonder is because planning to have sex for the first time is more likely than not to create anxieties and *bang*! The moment has been killed. My advice is twofold: (1) there's no hurry, just take your time; and (2) let it happen naturally and spontaneously (but be sure to always have a condom with you, because you never know when that moment will arrive).
Secondly, he's your boyfriend. He's likely to be absolutely rapt with you and what he sees. Next time he gives you oral, gently pull him up towards you, have a feel around, undress him if he isn't already undressed and let it just happen (and have said condom nearby). Losing ones virginity is always nerve-wracking, but it needn't be. You'll be suprised at how naturally having sex will come to you both after that initial first time.
All the best and relax and enjoy :o)
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