A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, would really appreciate any advice you have to offer!Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 and a half years, everything was amazing at first, but now i feel like things have taken its natural course!I feel like weve been staying together out of convenience , rather than for the right reasons.Obviously after 5 years I do love him, Ive grown into a woman with this man, and we have shared some amazing times and some awful times together.Anyway, I recently went on a girls holiday, and met some amazing people out there, who happened to live 10 minutes away from myself. Ive really hit it off with the one boy, but now im worried whether its worth taking the plunge and ending a 5 year relationship for a little holiday crush? I dont want to go from relationship to relationship, im just worried that feelings like this are happening whilst im in a committed relationship.I cant stop thinking about this boy, or any boy really, and i feel sad at the prospect of continuing in my current relationship for more years of my life.However, when i think of my boyfriend with a new partner i feel very upset and jealous.Im so confused on what to do and where my life is heading.Thanks in advance. X
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (22 July 2013):
 as a side thought: sometimes we get caught up in this feeling of newness and excitement and then we start to lose the spark and interest in our current relationship. was your interest in your current boyfriend really minimal before you met this new guy? or did things start to change once you met him?
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (22 July 2013):
i'm going to take a different perspective on this. i believe that long term committed relationships take time and effort. like after using a knife for long periods of time, it needs the proper maintainance to sharpen it to keep it working properly. it just needs tome tlc. as do relationships. after a long time together, it's inevitable that things will get routine and a little boring. that's when you have to realize this person is your best friend and learn how to rekindle the spart together. it's unrealistic to expect a relationship after five years to still feel brand new. guess what will happen with this new guy in five years? same thing. you'll be sitting there bored and looking for something new again. and you'll perpetuate the same cycle over and over again. love and long term relationships are all about figuring out how to keep the happiness there. and lord knows, it takes a LOT of work!! and that's an understatement! so my suggestion would be to really buckle down and try your damnest to rekindle what you two have. i know you obviously love him and he loves you. and after that span of time, you two have to be extremely close friends.
if you come to realize you don't want to make that effort with him, then i definitely suggest cutting him lose. or asking for a break to discover what you two really feel. but i sure wouldn't date for a while. i wouldn't jump into something else out of respect for your ex and for your own sake. take some time to relax and realize if you truly are over him and heal. sometimes we end relationships and then realize we miss the hell out of them and the grass really wasn't greener on the other side like we thought. and if you jump into a relationship with someone else, it may ruin your chance of ever getting back together if you so decide you ever want to.
anyway, best of luck in whatever you decide!
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (21 July 2013):
 I think that if you feel that that relationship has run its course, you don't have the same feelings for him as you did five years ago, then its best to be upfront and honest and get it out in the open. Being with someone just for convienience is not healthy for either of you and further down the line resentment will take place. Yes it will be hard, yes it will be upsetting, but better to get how you feel out in the open now rather than going on the way you are going. If you do end it, don't just jump out of the pan into the fire and get into another relationship straight away, re-bound relationships invarible never work. Go out, have fun, enjoy being single, then maybe in a couple of months think about persuing another relationship. Hope things work out for you. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2013): Hi there!
I was about to judge you.
But then again, I remember that it happens to everyone.
Its not unusual. People sometimes get attracted to someone else, even they are in a relationship. That's why they invented the word, third party.
Your not yet married, that's a good thing.
If your really dying to see how its like to be with the new boy, then go ahead and try.
But its a must for you to give respect to your current bf and tell him you want some time off. or maybe break up with him officially. So that you can come up clean.
You maybe not married but you are still in a relationship,
and Respect is a must in every relationship.
Now what your worrying about: Your statement
I dont want to go from relationship to relationship, im just worried that feelings like this are happening while
im in a committed relationship.
I cant stop thinking about this boy, or any boy really, and i feel sad at the prospect of continuing in my current relationship for more years of my life.
However, when i think of my boyfriend with a new partner i feel very upset and jealous.
I'm so confused on what to do and where my life is heading.
My advised:
Girl, if you are having second thoughts about someone, its not Love.
True Love for me can tamed even a jerk.
Or a Player.
If its making you feel like you can't decide yet. For me its a sign. It's Not him.
Or maybe a foolish beat of your heart.
You gotta think it over.
So composed your thoughts, well.
Write down the good and bad things about your bf and the new boy you just met.
Write an essay how does your bf makes you feel when he looks at you and compare it to the new boy. and so on and so forth.
If you think the new boy, worth a shot, then go for it, and try. But remember, Respect your bf, you need to break it to him honestly.
You can't have the best of both world's
Your Not Hanna Montanna.
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2013): It's probably just a infatuation you're feeling. Remember that this new boy you just met is someone you don't really know. You may not be compatible with him for the long-term relationship.
If you get upset of your bf having a new girl, then do you think it's fair that you have a new "boy"? Things will go its natural course if you give in to that temptation and you will end up being dumped because of cheating.
A relationship isn't all about the excitement. But to make the relationship exciting as before, you must exert an effort to do so. It takes time, effort and understanding to make it last.
It would be wise to think about what you really want and when you do, prepare for the consequences.
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