A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has brought up us moving in together a few times now and each time I'm not sure what to say. It makes sense because we're both students with low incomes and we spend almost every night together anyway... but on the other hand, I"m someone who usually feels trapped in relationships very easily. I normally feel trapped if I see a guy more than twice a week, but it has been different with this guy - there's barely a day in the 6 months we've been together that I haven't seen him and I don't yet feel trapped at all. I also usually know deep down that my relationships won't last, but I feel like I could be with this guy for a very long time, or even get married someday. Anyway, I'm wondering (since I've never lived with a boyfriend before) what it's like to move in with a partner and in particular, what it's like for people who are a little afraid of commitment/like having their own space. Thanks a lot!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 September 2010):
 You need your own space. Believe me. Even when people move in together they NEED their own space, or else they will go bonkers. One reason you enjoy spending every moment with your boyfriend now is that you know you can go home to be away from him if you need it. When living with him, time spent together will seem much more forced than a choice you make. It can change a lot. Therefor it is also necessary to have your own space even while living together.
That means, yes, if you move in together you need more room than just a bedroom and bathroom. Some couples I guess can tolerate living together in a box, but most couples don't. Which means you might not save that much money if you move in together, unless you both live in spacious places already. What you need is a place where you can go to get some peace, and a place for him to go when he needs some peace. Maybe you can make a deal, he gets the bedroom and you the living room or kitchen. Both places need to be comfortable and work as a place to do work/personal activities that you enjoy. Say if you enjoy drawing and he enjoys playing videogames, you really should find separate spaces for this to be done. Or maybe just your own desk will be enough. Just a corner that is totally yours and not his as well.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (6 September 2010):
 You said you feel comfortable with him and you don't feel trapped even after such a long time. Isn't this a good sign that there is potential in this relationship, don't you wonder what could happen if you did move in with this boyfriend of yours?
You have nothing to fear, you will always have your options. If you don't feel comfortable after a while of moving in with him then you can always just move out and tell him you weren't comfortable or you weren't ready for this sort of thing but, don't throw away potential like this, when you don't feel that trapped feeling.
I hope that helps.
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