A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'l try to keep this as brief as possible. I'm 30 years old with a teenage son, i'm currently with a guy and have been for the past 6 months!! My concern is that i could be a commitment phobe; I've had an 11 year relationship and an 18 month relationship; with others in between but always felt a little anxious when they've wanted to take things seriously!! Infact i would go as far too say i feel almost suffocated and then find myself withdrawing emotionally!! The worst thing is it's almost as though i have no control over these feelings and feel really bad about myself thinking that i'm a horrible person because my feelings aren't reciprocated! I do want a fulfilling relationship but don't know if i have issues that need to be resolved or if it could be a case that i haven't met the right one?? My relationships with friends and family are great so i do know i can have strong emotional bonds but when it comes to men i know i'm more hesitant and will find flaws that quite literally grate on me.I have spoken to the guy that i'm with about my hesitancies!! I'm soo worried that i'l hurt him cos i can see he's really trying, i feel like he's almost put me on a pedestal that i'm not comfortable with; i'm not perfect far from it and i suppose the reason i'm soo uncomfortable is because again these feelings aren't entirely reciprocated!! My long term doubt's have stemmed from a number of observations that i do think could indicate future problems, he does have some mood swings amongst other things that i'm a little concerned about; when i've broached these things they are more or less shrugged off!! Hence the question am i commitment phobe or just being practical?? Please help?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): I think you are actually behaving very intelligently, being cautious and taking things slowly. If you can spot things which grate now then they are only going to get worse in the future. You are clearly an emotionally stable woman with a good network of friends and family and there is no need for you to settle for the wrong person or indeed have to have any person unless they feel 100% right. Mood swings normally indicate irratic behaviour or depression so be careful.
I am in my early 40's and still searching for Mr Right. I too have one teenage son and although had a few relationships since my divorce I cannot say that any of them exactly fit the bill and on weighing things up I am invariably better and happier on my own. Little things always start to niggle and I know would turn into massive issues long term. I often wonder if I am a commitment phobe as well but I think I am just ultra cautious. I also got taken for a fair amount of money when I got divorced and that really has made me very wary.
If I was you I would continue to have fun but not get involved or serious with anyone unless they are pretty damn well perfect for you. All the best,
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