A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I often hear the phrase 'it's not for me to judge'.If no one offers a judgement then how is right and wrong determined in society?Someone batters an old woman, 'it's not for me to judge'....Someone molests a child, 'it's not for me to judge'. Isn't society formed by what is acceptable and what isn't?Come on aunts and uncles stop dodging your resposibilities.Comments? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 May 2008):
 As far as I am concerned , there is only one judge and that is Jesus.
What makes you think that you can be a judge and that your
judgment is always correct based on the limited informations posted on here?
How can it be a fair judgment when you only listen to one side of the story?
Contrally to your expectations, I find some agony aunts are judgmental when they give their replies in here.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 May 2008):
 Interesting question. What are the responsibilities of volunteer agony aunts and uncles? And what does the word 'judge' mean?
These are from dictionary.com:
"to pass legal judgment on; pass sentence on (a person)
"to hear evidence or legal arguments in (a case) in order to pass judgment; adjudicate; try
"to form a judgment or opinion of; decide upon critically
"to decide or settle authoritatively; adjudge
"to infer, think, or hold as an opinion; conclude about or assess
"to make a careful guess about; estimate"
So there's 'judge' in the legal sense and then 'judge' in the forming a personal opinion sense.
Which one are you referring to? I think the aunties and uncles here offer up their opinions and advice based on the information given, and do their best to answer the question posed by the poster, based on their own personal experiences and critical thinking skills. I'd say as a whole the aunts here do a damn fine job.
What makes you say that people here are 'dodging' their 'responsibilities'? So few old lady batterers and child molesters come here asking for advice, really. The few posters who have admitted to having some kind of sexual encounter with an underage person seem to have been scolded by the majority of posters and told to stop it, at least that's what I've read. But I have to admit I haven't read every single question on Dear Cupid.
I'm here because I think this site gives people a chance to ask and answer questions that they want feedback on, some are simple, some are extremely complex, and I think I can offer my thoughts on a few of them. I "judge" the question, assess the options, formulate an opinion, and write an answer. I try to answer in a way that is not disrespectful to the question poser, yet still get my message across in a way that will be understood. I may have some private thoughts about the motivation of the poster, but I do my best to answer the question asked and propose the best solutions I can think of.
Oh, one more thought, it's "DearCupid.org relationship advice" not "DearCupid.org relationship judging." A fine distinction, maybe, but a critical one! :)
So, I have to ask you, why did you ask such a vague question? It seems you have something specific in mind, but didn't know how to ask it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008):
I think this greatly depends on the question being asked.
Some questions are asking about whether their actions are moral or appropriate or reasonable. They're openly inviting judgement from the answers.
Other questions are decidedly NOT inviting judgement from the crowd, just looking for non-critical advice.
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (9 May 2008):
 Right and wrong is determined by law.
Nearly everything else is a shade of grey that is determined by individual circumstances, individual morality, practicality, opinion and circumstance.
And that's what we do here. We weigh the circumstance as it is presented, and try to give an opinion of what we ourselves would do given that criteria.
There's no absolute.
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A
female
reader, Twirly +, writes (9 May 2008):
 I agree with Isabella in wondering how your question applies to the answers you've found on this website.
I don't think this site can be described as non-judgemental at all! If anything the opposite is true!
In fact, some questions on here tend to provoke answers that are more rather than less judgemental. For example some answers are more of a reaction to the subject matter rather than an objective weighing of what can be done to help the situation.
Subjects concerning adultery for example often attract many answers of the 'you're so terrible for doing that' type rather than answers helpful to the poster.
All in all I would say that the responses by the Aunts on here tend to balance out and most of the questions get a good cross section of opinions and advice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): Responders need to be careful that they understand the situation, if not, then they should ask questions. Many times, the poster doesn't reveal important facts that would make an opinion useless.
Society has a set way of doing things, not always the best way, but accepted and then placed into law by individuals wanting another term and not thinking as to whether it is a good law which doesn't help the victim and creates new victims.
Giving advice that allows someone to see the right way without being to harsh to them, making there depression or low self esteem worse, and being harsh when they need a wake up call.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 May 2008):
 There is a heap of difference bewtween judging a person and judging someone's actions.
A right thing done for the wrong reason is wrong.
A wrong thing done for the right reason is wrong.
A wrong thing done for the wrong reason is wrong.
A right thing done for the right reason is right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): wel I havent come across a question related to anyone battering an old woman or anyone molesting children!. If I had then trust me they will be judged!. but at the end of the day its not about being judged for your actions, if someone has done something wrong then ussually they know they have. they just come here for some impartial advice and to tell their story. If you do not have any constructive questions to ask or any helpful advice to offer then please stop wasting the agony aunts time.
Its not for us to say what is right or wrong, good or bad. Incase you didnt notice, we are merely normal people who have given up our spare time to help people who need it. So its not our responsibilty to make all the wrongs right!. we just give our opinion and hope that we have helped.
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A
female
reader, Isabella1974  +, writes (9 May 2008):
 Hi there, depending on the situation, we are only here to give advice to people who have difficulty with certain aspects of their lives, giving non judgemental responses! its possible you are mixing these things up???? you think??
I myself do not agree and never say "its not for me to judge" where did you find this statement??? please do tell.
O course society has no tolerance for someone who molest a child or the battering an old woman....the majority of society would be disgusted at such behavour.
So as regards to dodging responsibilies, you have it wrong this time round.
take care.
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