A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For Christmas this year, my BF got me a weekend at a winery with tour, tasting, and live music. We were so excited to get away for the weekend. I was almost in tears over such a thoughtful gift. It was our first Christmas together and the 1st Christmas gift I've ever gotten from a boyfriend. However, days before the trip his grandfather died unexpectedly and the funeral was planned for the same day as our trip. We are both very close to our families, and I 100% wanted him to go home and be there for his. However, I am left feeling so incredibly bummed about our trip. I'm very sad for him and his family's loss, but part of me feels like it is sick irony for our first trip to go awry. I've called the venue and someone will be getting back to me this week as to if he can get a refund or reschedule, but no one on their waiting list was able to take our spot so the inn lost money. My BF is in the middle of interviews for a new job and the family death. I know he's under a lot of stress, so that's why I made the call. He said he felt terrible about us missing the trip but also felt guilty for being sadder about that in the wake of losing the grandfather. He is very thoughtful, kind and so good to me. But it doesn't seem like he was talking about making it up to me or planning an alternate trip. I know he has a lot going on right now, and I know I sound selfish. I didn't say anything about my worries to him- just made sure I was there when it happened to cook dinner for him and help prep for the interviews. Thanks for your advice!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi- OP here. We were able to reschedule the trip for the Spring. You were all right- being there for him was more important! Thanks for the help!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 January 2017):
 He is mourning and he is also unemployed so I think wanting him to make it up to you is incredibly selfish off you. Yes you are disappointed but his grandfather has just died. So be there for him. Also maybe you could book a weekend away for both off you to replace this lost weekend?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (22 January 2017):
 Do you know what happens when we make plans? Life. Life happens (or death in this case) and plans have to change.I can fully understand why you are upset because you were so looking forward to this "perfect gift". Cherish the thought that your boyfriend was so considerate to get you this gift, but then let go of the sorrow and resentment that you could not take advantage of it. So possibly you may lose some money. It's not the end of the world. A few months down the line, will this matter? Only if you let your resentment build. Otherwise it will just be sh*t that happened in the past. Your main concern at the moment should be supporting your boyfriend. Hold him tight and let him talk about his grandfather if he wants to. He may not be ready to talk about him yet, in which case respect that and just be there for him. Help him with his interview preparations and, when he has landed a new job, when he has got over the death of his grandfather, book the winery tour again. If he says anything about feeling bad that you have missed the tour, put a big smile on your face and assure him that is the least of your worries, that he is your main concern at the moment. What is a changed plan compared to what he is going through?
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A
male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (22 January 2017):
 Sorry about that.
But if he is in mourning and he is also unemployed, he definitely doesn't want to be thinking of getaway vacations at the moment.
Just be there for him. Don't worry, he'll come around.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2017): He is not likely to be in the mood for any trip for a while. Grief hits people hard in different ways.
He is under immense stress losing a family member and going for a job.
Back off and just offer to "be there" for him. Let him know that if he wants to talk things over at any time about his grandfather and all that his grandfather meant to him then you will be there to listen.
But as grief makes people so much more sensitive their reactions can be more extreme than their version of normal for them.
Later in spring or early summer he is likely to be in a much better frame of mind for a trip away.
But getting annoyed about it will not help your relationship.
buy yourself some flowers or visit a day spa and look after yourself.
Your time will come eventually and you will enjoy it all the more when the time is right for a trip together.
Now is not the time
and now is not the time to be resentful
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