A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:All the names in this story are made up. My female friend Kelly asked me a question: I didn’t know a good answer to give her.Background: Kelly is in a 2 year relationship. Kelly, myself and Devin (guys she slept with- weighs 300 pounds, unattractive, just started working with company for a month ) all work together for a local company. Kelly and I have been friends for 10 years.Story: We were out of town attending a conference for work. The night before we were all drinking at the hotel bar (w/ several employees from the company). I left early to go to sleep in my room. Everyone was ripped (buzzing hard, but not sloppy drunk or blacked out). Kelly and Devin ended up having sex in the hotel room. Kelly told me what happened and fully regrets it as she said he was a nice guy but definitely not attracted to him. She said they were both drunk and it happened. Kelly’s boyfriend is tall and physically fit. Devin is a large man 300 pounds and not the guy that will be getting a lot of girls based on physical appearance.Do you think Kelly wanted to have sex with him (a person unattractive) or it happened due to being drunk? Again, Devin is a 300 pound guy which is not her type as her man is slim, muscular as he works out. She asked me should I tell my boyfriend? Could you or did you ever had sex with someone you thought was unattractive , due to alcohol?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2022): If she was going to tell anyone, she should have told her boyfriend before she spilled her guts to you!
There is no logical or reasonable explanation as to why Kelly cheated on her boyfriend. Kelly doesn't handle her liquor well; and she doesn't know how to behave herself around her co-workers, or when she is away from her boyfriend.
It's better she confess to her boyfriend before it somehow finds its way to him through some other means; like someone else from the company that was out drinking with you that night, who may decide to blackmail her for his chance. The odds are relatively against her, that Devin is going to share his experience with someone he knows at work. If people noticed them pairing-off, there will be high suspicion something went-on. Gossip tends to cover a lot of ground pretty fast, and end-up getting to everyone you least want to hear it!
You should stay in a neutral corner. Minimize your involvement in this situation, but let her know if you should hear any buzz around the office. Then and only then, should you alert your friend; so she will confess to her boyfriend, before someone else gets the chance. Like it slips from loose-lips at the company Christmas party; or any company event that she might bring her boyfriend along.
Looks and appearance sometimes don't matter when you're toasted to the gills and overheated. It was all about opportunity, a cheap thrill, and spur of the moment. To do something you shouldn't do, just for the hell of it! That's all it was.
The most unattractive feature in all of this mess wasn't the guy's weight. It was being drunk and cheating on her boyfriend! It wouldn't have made it any better or worse, if the guy was a hunk! Cheating is ugly all by itself!!!
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (6 November 2022):
 It all seems rather pointless if i'm being brutally honest.
She is not your partner, she is someone you have known for a while, and just had sex with a colleague at a conference, which as a consequence she regrets.
His unattractiveness as you put it is not important at all. She could have got an early night and retired to bed on her own. But she chose to be unfaithful and sleep with someone else. Alcohol is very often an excuse people use to cover up for bad decisions. Believe me, she knew exactly what she was doing.
Yes she was wrong in what she did, drunk or sober makes no iota of difference, she was unfaithful.
Is it your job to shop her and tell her partner?. I would advise staying out of it, what goes around comes around and he will find out over the natural courses of time.
I'm not sure why she divulged what she did to you, and i'm not entirely sure of the meaning of your post.
Makes me wonder if you are gutted that she slept with what you deemed an unattractive guy, and you wished that maybe it was you?.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 November 2022):
 " She asked me should I tell my boyfriend?"
I 100% agree with FA.
There are 2 options for sure, but only ONE is the "right one" in my book and that is OWN YOUR SHIT and tell the BF. HE deserves to know and make the choice to stay or go.
SHE (Kelly) already made a choice and that was to cheat. People don't cheat because they were drunk. They make a SERIES of choices that lands them in bed with someone, she could have stopped at ANY point in time, she could have said no, many times. SHE chose not to.
Cheating doesn't "just happen". It's a SERIES of choices.
Does it matter that Devin was fat and unattractive? Not one bit. Kelly STILL chose to have sex with someone who is not her partner and she is blaming alcohol for HER actions.
Your friend, Kelly, is morally bankrupt.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (6 November 2022):
 "My female friend Kelly asked me a question: I didn’t know a good answer to give her. ... snip ... She asked me should I tell my boyfriend?"
there are two schools of thought on this:
A) Telling will only hurt your BF and it is your mistake to live with, take it to the grave.
B) Your BF deservers to have the opportunity to decide for himself whether or not he wants to be in a relationship that includes this.
Personally I opt for B. Relationships are about trust. Keeing a secret is about deception.
What good does it do you to save a relationship that has this break in it.
On a side note: Faithful people leave early and sleep in their own room.
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