A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My first real love i met in my mid 20's. It was instant intense love since the day we met we never left each others side and got along like life long friends with an extreme passion for one another. Everything went perfect till 6 months into the relationship where i was forced to work with my ex lover while traveling for a few weeks. I asked my lover if he would be ok with this and he agreed. He came with for a week taking a tagg along holiday while i was working Things went horribly wrong. He got jelous of us working together and pushed me away like he wanted me to get back with him. When I was not working and had time to be alone with him him never used the time but would just get horribly drunk and pass out everyday. He jeperdised my position and embarresed me alot. Needless to say that I thought maybe I did not know the real him and after the week was over i left him.Shortly afterwards I found comfort in the previous lovers arms and we had a relationship for a few months while working together and then went our seperate ways.4 months after this the jeoulous lover and i reconnected. We started speaking on a daily basis, the spark reconnected instantly but i didn't show this as I clearly rememberred how the relationship ended and was afraid of this happening again.Over the next 3 months we spoke non-stop. I was suffering from overtiredness due to working 16hour days non-stop for over a year and had started becoming depressive. He realised something was not right and invited me to come visit me (he stays is a different country) He was very sweet all a long and i wondered how things could have gone so wrong in the past. He told me to come back to where i belonged and bought me a flight ticket. I agreed and ended up staying 3months. Everything was as before like nothing ever happened to break us up. He told me he never moved on or was never with anyone else. The flame was instintly reconnected. Even thow during this time i went through alot of low times but he was always there never getting tired of my sadness just loving me. I got better and our loved blossemed like before. We made plans for our future, he introduced me to his whole family and tols everyone I was the one. This lasted about 14 months then we decided to move to my country. I flew down in January and thats where things went funny. We would plan when he would be there and he would constantly dely, i would call and he wouldn't pick up or ask me to call him back later (even though this in international calls) When I called he sounded anoid, he stopped calling me all the beautiful words he use to call me and when talking over the phone he wouldnt call me My Love or say he loved me. These are all obvious sighns but our relationship was so perfect from the start that I always tried to justify everything.To end this long detailed explanation. I went for my three monthly HIV test which was POSITIVE. This i couldnt believe as i was faithful and so was he. He couldnt believe it either. Got tested and turned out positive as well. I kept blaming myself thinking maybe i got infected from my previous lover and the previous hiv test was falsy negative.Months went by and i kept calling him as i could not come to terms with the fact that this perfect romance went this horribly wrong. He kept telling me he can only offer me his friendship and he wishes things could be different.THEN FINALLY I STARTED COMING TO TERMS WIHT AAAAAAALL THIS SHIT. Then 5 months after the breakup(last week) he calls me. By this time we have started talking again and i was happy, moved on,content making plans for my life again etc. We talk nicely as usually and he tells me he wants to come visit me and see how I am doing. Im quite ok with this then he pauses and tells me that he is sorry to tell me over the phone but the last period in our relationship he found a "Shoulder" as he calls her and one thing led to another and he is still with her. He tells me he impregnated her but hey got rid of the child due to the dangers that might be involved. So you gave me the HIV i tell him. No she is negative the bastard sais.No I am appealing to all the men out there and woman that have gone through this before. Am i crazy for still loving him for wondering if i would take him back? He kept telling me she means nothing she knows all about how special our relationship was. That he will always be there for me no matter what and will always care for me. Is he a lier, talking bullshit?Or is he maybe getting me back for leaving him and going back to the ex as that has always been a very tender topic?Any advise ideas please!!!!
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drunk, fiance, hiv , my ex, period, soulmate, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ij  +, writes (23 October 2009):
 my motto, ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER!!!! GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): Hi, I think this man is playing you. You need to concentrate on YOU. Please dont go through this destructive relationship. Get medical help, be ok, eat healthy, live healthy and leave this guy behind. If he wanted you he would be with you. HIV is a big issue but if you both have it (hey you can work it out together) if you are not too sure what his lies are, ditch him as he thinks less of you than clealy you think of him, find someone who does love you, then be honest and take precautions and enjoy being treated with respect - hope it works out for you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): This all sounds to me to be a bit over the top. No love is perfect and you all were long distance it sounds like which leaves a lot of room for overblown emotions and longing desperate feelings of unrequited love that are mistaken for the real thing.
It is difficult but not impossible for a woman to give a man HIV, I would say that he gave it to you. Have you contactedt the other lover to let him know he may be at risk and to get tested?
Yes, I think you are crazy for still loving this man and wanting him back. He is with the other woman because he wants to be, don't buy into the bs that she means nothing and your relationship was so much better. It wasn't when you made it real and moved to where he was, it didn't work, fantasy over.
I am sorry that you are now sick and I think your first priority is to come to terms with this and what you need to do to take care of yourself going forward.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 October 2009):
Do't go near this guy again. He's hurt you and will do nothing but hurt you for as long as you live. He's using you and will continue to do so. Don't bother with him.
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