A
female
age
51-59,
*ooty70
writes:My inlaws have been married for 50 years. I recently became aware that she had cheated on him about 30 years ago. They have been looking to move house and after an argument, she said to him to take his girlfriend and move out to his block of land. He doesnt have a girlfried, but would her statement to him imply that he has had a girlfriend in the past or that he had cheated on her?I am just wondering this because I have become a victim of their son (my husband) cheating on me, and was thinking that he grew up in a house where his parents cheated on each other, and that is why he cheated on me. Any suggestions re her statement.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): if he comes from a family where one of his parents cheated yet they stayed married, he may in deed come to see this as normal or if not normal at least feasible or do-able or realistic, whatever the word. We all know that cheating is immoral. it's impossible to grow up in western society and not be exposed to the idea that cheating is immoral. Yet he does it anyway. Again it could be because he saw first hand experience (in his family) that it is possible to cheat and still stay married. or maybe he saw that his parents didn't love each other but stayed married so he thinks this is what marriage is - it's a life sentence to live with someone you don't want to be with but have to because you are trapped and there's no undoing the trap. This weakens him when he meets someone he has a connection with. But from feeling trapped because marriage is a life sentence, he has no other way to live except to pursue both.
A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (9 February 2011):
 It wasn't naive of you to think your husband would be faithful. that's what we all want (and expect) isn't it? Or none of us would ever take a leap of faith and commit ourselves to someone for life.
Your husband may have cheated anyway, we are all of us only human and we make mistakes. In this case a terrible one. But I think you may be onto something. If he saw cheating growing up and especially the fact that his parents stayed together then it may have subconciously made infidelity somehow more acceptable to him.
I don't know what his mothers comment meant but it's of little importance now isn't it. Weather your husband cheated because he was weak and couldn't show any self control or weather it was because he saw it as somehow 'normal' is irrelevant. The fact is he betrayed your trust and it looks like you can't get over that. I doubt he'll ever be so foolish as to make this mistake again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): Her statement may or may not mean anything.
However, people from households where cheating is the "norm", are far more likely to cheat, and to expect their partner to cheat on them as well...which makes it easier for them to cheat.
Yet, not everyone cheats.
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A
female
reader, Sooty70 +, writes (9 February 2011):
Sooty70 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I am now aware of the statistics for married men to cheat, pity I didnt know that when I married him. Was I naive to expect monogomany, especially when we were in our late 30s when we got married and I thought he was mature enough to get married. Obviously I was wrong. Even if the statistics are that high, it doesnt excuse him for choosing to be a cheater. Seeing cheating in his family I'm sure made him more likely to think that was acceptable.
He shouldnt have got married if he wasnt going to be satisfied with the same woman. I will be divorcing him over his "mistake".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): the statistics show that something like half of all married men cheat, and this is even just those who admit it (how many more are not admitting it)?
thus the odds are stacked high anyway that your husband would cheat on you, whether or not it happened in his family.
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