A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my now fiance for three and a half years, we have been engaged for almost 9 months, and have a wedding date set for August 1, 2009. We currently live about 1 hour apart. I am a full time student and he works. I will be graduating college in a few weeks.Lately, I have been very busy with school and my job at school during the day and he goes to bed very early, so we haven't been able to talk very much. I have actually been enjoying spending time with my friends because he is somewhat of a hermit, and we don't get out and do much with other people. Because of these differences I've been wondering if we are really a good fit to be married? (there are many other issues beyond just this one)Because I've been getting out more, I have been seeing someone else who is 15 years older than me. I cheated on my fiance with him. He knows that I am engaged, but we just get along so well and I find myself falling for him.So ultimately my questions are: 1- Are my fiance and I too different to be happily married forever? and 2- If I decide to stay with my fiance, should I tell him that I cheated on him or will that make things worse?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): Don't tell him you cheated-why hurt him more? Sounds to me like he can't possibly be any happier than you. Just call off the wedding and both of you move on. It's much easier to do it now than later.
A
female
reader, purplecloud03  +, writes (27 April 2009):
 if u stay with him you must tell him. if you cheated on him to begin with then you shouldnt be getting married- that says you dont love him as much as you think if your able to hurt him like that.so id have to say own up now and call off the wedding until you figure things out. it isnt fair on your fiance, if you love him enough to marry him cheating would never have been an option.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (27 April 2009):
You have to tell your fiance what happened and cancel the wedding. You can't just let him wander blindly into a marriage with a girl who doesn't love him enough to stay loyal, and isn't sure she loves him at all.
If you take a bit of a break from each other then you can figure out what you want.
But you have to be honest here. You cannot go on leading him on and getting your kicks with some other guy.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGina, I don't really know why I cheated. I was having major cold feet, then I met this other man and he asked me to dinner. I told him I was engaged at that time, and he said no problem, it's just dinner. He made me feel wanted again, and everything felt new and exciting. I know cheating is wrong, but this just feels so right, more right than being with my fiance. (My fiance and I haven't slept together for a while before I cheated on him.)
And PS, my family is not "blissfully going about their business trying to prepare a beautiful wedding day." I was planning it all myself before I got too busy with school. Stress much?
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (27 April 2009):
 Its simple....DONT GET MARRIED!If you already cheated on your fiance before you are married, imagine what its going to be like after you are married. You think of spending your life with someone you cheated on? Thats one of the most selfish acts anyone can do.You will cheat again. Thats a given. It may not be with the same guy, or until a few years after you are married, maybe a couple of kids, a mortgage, and a clueless husband. which means you will be back on a forum just like this in a few years posting again about how you cheated on your husband, and you dont know what to do....You would selfishly risk destroying your fiance at this stage? Never is there an excuse for cheating. Rather than me flaming you, I will only say please do all those involved a favor and tell him about your cheating. He deserves to decide himself whether or not he wants to give you a shot, or live the rest of his life in a lie, which is what its going to be.You never find love outside your relationship unless you want to. wouldn't you want to know before you were married if your fiance could be trusted?The reason I am so harsh(and so harsh on all cheaters) is because what you did was the exact same thing that was done to me by my then fiance over 20 years ago. Except I had the added bonus of walking in on my bride to be riding my friend like a Harley.In 20 years since, I can say that from time to time I revisit that moment, with tears and revulsion. But I was glad I discovered what was going on, becuase I would have ended up marrying that tramp. So if you have any self respect, or respect for your BF for that matter, you will come clean, and face the consequences.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): Why are u getting married in the first place when it is so obvious that you are not satified by your man-you cannot hide it forever it will come out eventually, i say tell him and let him decide if he still wants to be with you, thats if you still love him! girl nobody deserves to be cheated on!
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