A
female
age
41-50,
*rash
writes:Ok, i will try not to keep this too long but its quite a story. two months ago,with a 2 month old baby and 4 year old son, i discovered my husband had been texting and chatting online to an 18 year old girl who works for him. when confronted, he told me i had got it all wrong,and misunderstood.. however he had been drinking and later i heard him using his phone, ran down the stairs and took it. he had tried to close it, but i checked the outbox and a message was half typed saying "it is in the passion of a kiss".. he then admitted that he had a flirtation with her (she had only been working there for a month). he said that it hadn't gone any further and said that our intimacy problems (my not being too interested due to the pregnancy and recovery after childbirth) had been hell on him,and this was an ego boost.. he then told me he told her it was not going anywhere and said it was dealt with..for the next 3 weeks, we worked on the intimacy, and it was great.. but everything else fell apart. i kept catching things that said to me it wasn't totally over. he would keep talking about her, finding reasons to phone her..always about work, but i could hear the cryptic way he was speaking..anyway he then convinced me to go to my parents for a weekend to get some space from the situation.. i thought no way, he is trying to get me away, but then thought maybe thats what i would need.. so i went away, was really hard,and when i got back he was adament he wanted us to work, and there would be no more problems with her. the next weekend, he pickeda fight with me all day, and packed a bag to go to a friends.. he walked out.. i went after him, and as i got to him, she was calling.. i took the phone and told her to leave us alone.. she just laughed in my face and told me to ask my husband what his feelings were.. we went back inside, where he admitted to having her over the weekend i was away, and sleeping with her.. i told him one last chance to end it, and we will work it out.. he said he would go do it.. he walked out and never came home.. wouldn't answer his calls.. the next day i moved to my parents. for that week,i went through hell.. he phoned saying it was the easiest way to do it.. that he thinks he loves her.. later in the week he came to see me.. apologised.. at that point there was a tentative mention of maybe us working through it. in the next couple of weeks, he decided he wanted to do it..told me he didn't want to lose me.. kept saying he would break it off with her.. last friday he waid i should go down and see him for the weekend.. i was apprehensive at first but i then thought it would maybe be good, and we went. he was drunk..he kept trying to get into my pants.. she sent him a text.. it said how she would go get some clothes and come home and F.... his brains out. i realised he had lied,as when i got there he said he had just ended it completely. later, whilehe was trying to seduce me again, she alled..he went running..i could hear her tell him she loves him, and he said,um, you too.. i flipped out.. saying why does everything that comes out of your mouth a lie, but he tries to get into my pants.. he used that as a reason to get angry, call her to get her to call him a taxi and leave again. my little boy was so devastated daddy left him again,when i had to wake him up in the middle of the night at take him home to my parents. my husband phoned ,apologised.. said he was drunk, that we shouldn't have fought.. said he wanted to get intimate with me thinking it would help fix everything. i just said, that right now i could walk away, but one chance i will give himis he leaves our house, and that town and moves in with myfamily, or we get our own place. he said thats what he wants to do.. that he just needs to break it off with her. but he knows how badly it will hurt her.. realises how stupid he has been.. how much he really doesn't want to lose me. i know she is there this evening.. and its eating at me.. how much should i take.. is it worth giving him time to see it through the way he wants to or how should i handle it.. i do love him so dearly.. and have tried to be so strong. after 6 years together, how do i let him go..i feel he does really love and want me.. but his actions speak otherwise? how should i do this.. i really want to give this one more shot. if he does it again, at least i can tell my children one day that i did everything i could, and i will know myself that i never walked away, and regret it.. that our separation was not in my hands. any advice..sorry for the super long post.. its just so much has happened.. and i wanted to give a clear picture..
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female
reader, hales7 +, writes (6 September 2010):
I really feel for you. I myself have been going through this kind of situation for some 3 years now and after letting him back into my life he still wanted his cake and to eat it. Take my advise and leave this man before he destroys you. You are lucky by all accounts you have your parents. But parents don't want to see their children hurt and this is what you are doing by letting this man who supposed to love you above all else use you this way. I know its hard but life is too short to be in turmoil all the time. Be strong and give him no more chances its your family together or his little bit on the side.
A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (4 September 2010):
 He's more worried about hurting her than hurting you and your kids; he sounds like a real winner (not). Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words, and your husband's actions show that the only person he truly cares about his himself and his comfort. You need to learn to love yourself more than you love him and STOP communicating with him until he ends this relationship and starts making an effort to make things right with you. STOP going to see him. STOP accepting his drunken phone calls and attempts to have sex with you. STOP allowing him to disrupt your life and your children's lives. Right now he's making a fool of you and allowing some 18 year old to jeopardize his family life and you keep playing along. It's time for you to be strong and stand up for yourself: do not accept this situation and STOP making it easy for him to string you along.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): Firstly I am so sorry to hear what your going through. Sounds like my life although husband hasnt cheated (he just used porn). But if he did what your husband has done I would let him be. MOve on with your life and the children.
Even if you do give it another shot there will always be trust issues, you will always remember the hurt. There is no way I would give it another go, not after the constant lies. I agree with the other reply as hard as it may be get your financial issues in order and dont look back. There are plenty more nice men in the world. Your children also dont deserve to be on an emotional roller coaster like that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): Married 12 years, miss thang is 23 works with him. We are going through the same thing. This is what I did & maybeit's not what most women do but whatever. You have to get into their relationship & bust it up. When he tries seducing you go for it then afterwards tell him how amazing he is in bed & how much you miss the sex. Talk about how much more fun it would be to try different things like a three way now you are going to have to separate yourself from the encounter mentally I focus on how much I hate what has happen to the marriage & used it to fuel my intend on making them miserable! We did the 3 way he was so drunk he couldn't remember it but she did & is really messed with her mind. Plus I made it all his idea so she hated him more for not making her feel special. I kept that ball rolling knowing she wouldn't go for it again. I told him she must not love you enough like I do baby. I kept it going tearing away her value to him every chance I got to the point he came back & now she is the over baring crazy one. He is back home we are going to counseling & no more 3 ways. Art of war read it!! You have to get into their minds & plant a seed of doubt because he only sees her as sex & you as mother earth. Show him you are both. Good luck & always be 2 steps ahead love
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): If this other woman wants your hb so bad, let her have him and in no time he will be cheating on her too....
Get your papers in order, see an attorney and file for divorce.
As hard as its going to be, this man is just going to cause you heartache. Your parents will be there for you as support, and perhaps get to see a counsellor.
Sorry, but I dont see any good coming from this relationship even if he left the gf, there wouldnt be any trust left, and once a cheater, always a cheater.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): If you really want to give it another go then seek marriage counseling, however....
Please be mindful that your children deserve stability in their life -- not some daddy that walks in and walks out at the drop of a hat.
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