A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have an issue that is a little out of the ordinary...I am sorry it may be a little long but it's best to tell the whole story.A few years ago (senior year of high school) I had a formal dance to go to and at the time I was talking to guy who I was really close to. We were best friends and told each other everything. He liked me a lot and wanted us to date but I wasn't sure about my feelings for him. Anyway, I asked him to the dance because I knew that he would be the person I would have the most fun with. The following situation hurt him really bad because he thought that I liked him a lot even though I never tried to give him that ideaOne of my friends, Kay, needed a date for this dance so another friend of ours set her up with a cousin of hers. None of us had ever met this guy,(colt) but I had talked to him and he seemed very nice and gentlemen like. Well Kay talked to him onlyl once before the dance but he started texting me every single day. He told me that he really liked me and that when he came to the dance we were going to meet and he had planned on asking me out. HOWEVER he told me not the tell Kay about this because he knew that he was her date and he didn't want to ruin the evening for her. I felt really bad not telling her about this but iagreed that her evening shouldn't be ruined. It turned out when he came to the dance, he kissed me the night before and it was AMAZING. We didn't get to spend too much time together that weekend but I understood. The dance was on a friday and Monday back at school I noticed that Kay was in a great mood. (which is kinda unusual because she is usually kinda cynical about everything) (She has a negative view on life, she is slightly big and doesn't get much attention from guys) Anyway, I asked her how the dance was for her and she ended up telling me that colt had kissed her and they had actually made out quite a few times. I was absolutely devestated because for a few months he had told me how much he liked me and they had only talked once before that. But i think what made me themost upset was that he had used HER like that when I had told him before that she is very insecure about herself and that she doesn't get much attention. She felt horrible when she found out that him and I liked each other. She was pretty upset therefore, i was even more upset with him. (she didn't know about us because he told me not to tell her.)Once i confronted him about this he apologized cried and everything thing else you can think of trying to get me to forgive him and the type of person that I am, I did. I took him back but never told my friend that I forgave him. We dated for seven months and I hid it the whole time. No one who knew how he treated me knew about us. Now, colt and I are still great friends. He gives me advice on my boyfriend (although he hates him) and we text all the time and he asks me for advice on his girlfriends. But anyway, my boyfriend despises the fact that I still talk to him...do you think that there is anything wrong with me talking to him? I know that he treated me wrong but after that once he never did me wrong again. He was a great boyfriend and we broke up only because of the long distance and the only reason my boyfriend doesn't want me talking to him is because of that one incident. any opinion would help...thanks.p.s. the good friend that was my date to the dance, he doesn't like that fact that I still talk to him either. But that is mostly because he feels that colt stole me from him. I don't understand why it is that big of a deal NOW that it is a few years later and it is all over. But both of these guy throw fits every time we talk.
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female
reader, distrot +, writes (6 March 2008):
Are you just great friends or are you keeping him around so that if something happens with you and your boyfriend, he'll be there? Since you only broke up due to the distance, it seems like feelings would probably still be there.Two things your boyfriend may be thinking: 1) If Colt came back to town, would you want to be with him again? 2) He hates your current boyfriend; is he really giving you unbiased advice when you talk to him?Finally, a lot depends on the severity of your boyfriend's annoyance. Does he hate the fact that you talk to him to the point of wanting to break up with you if you do? Or is it more that it just irks him that you could still be friends with him? If the first is true, then you have to decided who is more important to you, and if you love your boyfriend, you'll be understanding of his feelings and not talk to Colt. If the second is true, then you're fine. As long as you assure your boyfriend that he's the only guy for you and you wouldn't want Colt now anyways (distance or not), he shouldn't control who you are friends with as he should trust your ability to make decisions and judge character. A little annoyance is fine; just make sure that you never betray his trust.
A
female
reader, distrot +, writes (6 March 2008):
Are you just great friends or are you keeping him around so that if something happens with you and your boyfriend, he'll be there? Since you only broke up due to the distance, it seems like feelings would probably still be there.Two things your boyfriend may be thinking: 1) If Colt came back to town, would you want to be with him again? 2) He hates your current boyfriend; is he really giving you unbiased advice when you talk to him?Finally, a lot depends on the severity of your boyfriend's annoyance. Does he hate the fact that you talk to him to the point of wanting to break up with you if you do? Or is it more that it just irks him that you could still be friends with him? If the first is true, then you have to decided who is more important to you, and if you love your boyfriend, you'll be understanding of his feelings and not talk to Colt. If the second is true, then you're fine. As long as you assure your boyfriend that he's the only guy for you and you wouldn't want Colt now anyways (distance or not), he shouldn't control who you are friends with as he should trust your ability to make decisions and judge character. A little annoyance is fine; just make sure that you never betray his trust.
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