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anonymous
writes: I'm with a partner of 14 years. I had an affair before but ended it. My partner forgave me. The thing is, I've always been a bit friendly with my partner's brother in law.Well we met up at a family party and he thought it would be a good idea to meet up, so the following day I rang him, then he sent me a email saying it wouldn't be a good idea so I took it as that. But then the following week he rang and said do I still want to go out for the drink, so I did met up with him.We had a kiss and a cuddle. Then he had another talk and said it wasn't a good idea as he did love his wife, but when I dropped him off, he started on me again and I gave him oral sex. He just left and gave me a kiss. Then he sent me a message 2 days later and said "no more" and don't send him anymore emails for a while as his wife didn't believe where he'd been.I'd already made my mind up that i wasn't going to do it anymore but the way he was saying things if he was putting all the blame on me. I feel embarassed now what happened and feel more guilty to my partner than I did with the other affair I had. It has taught me not to go messing around anymore. I don't know why I did that as the other affair only finished 2 months back And I was deeply in love with that man.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (15 August 2005):
You should be ashamed of yourself. Fair enough, your brother in law met up with you but it was YOU who approached him in the first place, so of course he will be blaming you for the whole thing.
Also, you make it sound acceptable to have affairs, its NOT.
The only people i feel sorry for in this whole scene are your husband and his sister.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2005): One-time flings and affairs always seem exhilarating, exciting, passionate, at first. But in truth, they can also more commonly ...be damaging, destructive, cruel, painful, time-wasting and demeaning. You've learned a hard lesson about how one very selfish "choice" can degrade one and could've wreaked havoc on families. You are fortunate, your hubby doesn't know of this or you would have possibly paid the ultimate price-losing everything as well as your self-respect.
Sadly, affairs inevitably hurt someone and frequently they hurt all the parties involved including children, if there are any. Most affairs never end happily-let's hope your fling with the brother in law stays underwraps. HAve you considered family gatherings...how awkward that will be in the furture?? Starting an affair/fling is not a brilliant smart step to take and yet people do it all the time...all to just feel good for that "one moment" in time. No thought is given to the others that could stand to be hurt. It's a very self-centered thing to do.
It seems like you believed that you could control what was happening and just wanted to have a harmless bit of fun. Yours ended quickly and you were lucky. In some cases, minds get involved as well as genitals. Love develops out of sex. And people start to want more time together, enjoy more good times. Relationships don't stand still. People having affairs learn this the hard way every day. And life gets more and more complicated and painful as a result.
Work on your own marriage and see if you can work out the problems you and hubby are having. Don't have whimsical affairs just for fun. That's too risky and you stand to lose a lot if you continue these destructive behaviours.
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