A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for two years now.We never had sex,and that was one thing we never talked about.At the beginning of this year I had to relocate to another place for study purposes.After a month or so,I met a guy who wanted us to date.I told him I can't because I had a boyfriend back home.One day,this guy and I were talking for a very long time and then we kissed.One day it happened that this guy and I have sex,for the very first time in my life(and it was great).Now my problem is another guy broke my virginity instead of my boyfriend.A while back,my boyfriend came to visit and we had sex and he didn't notice anything.So now I feel guilty and I want to tell my boyfriend what happened but am scared he'll dump me.Should I tell him or break up with him,before he finds out?I love him Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2014): Think of the last time you heard about someone being hurt & angry that their partner didn't come clean about cheating. Anyone
Now think about the last time you heard someone saying they wish they had never been told.
You can't think of an example for the second one, can you? That's because people almost never really wish they hadn't been told! And keeping quiet is almost always a purely selfish choice!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2014): If you have cheated on him. Do you not think he has the right to know. If you love him like you say you do you'll want to tell him and if he can't cope with it then he doesn't love you as much as he says he does.If you explain why it happened, what were your reasons and that you want to work on your relationship and this mistake has made you see that.Honesty is the best policy in a relationship.What if the guy you cheated with tells someone and eventually down the line your boyfriend finds out, he'll then wonder why you lied.It will hurt him to tell him but if he loves you he'll want to hang on to you a keep you for as a long as possible.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2014): No you don't have to tell him. There is a high possibility that he made a mistake along the way too.
What happened to you, is the reason why LDR's are risky. You get lonely and temptations always come your way.
If you do tell him out of guilt, then be prepared for the consequences. He didn't care that you weren't a virgin.
He never had sex with you before, and apparently it didn't matter.
Don't create a problem if there is no reason to. I do suggest that if you've lived abroad, and had unprotected sex with another guy; that you and your boyfriend get tested together for HIV.
You only need to tell him it is as a safety precaution; nothing more. You trust him, but it would make you feel better. You are now being sexually-active, after you've been apart for a long-time. That's yet another risk of an LDR.
I hope you are both practicing safe-sex. That means always using a condom.
If he wonders why you want to get tested? Tell him only so you are both safe. That's all you have to say.
If he refuses or asks a lot of questions, then you have to tell the truth. If you didn't use a condom, you placed both of you at risk for HIV infection. It only takes one time. Your boyfriend could have been sexually-active too, over a period as long as two years. You shouldn't risk unplanned pregnancy or STD's at any rate. Use condoms!
You don't know what he was up to, or who he was with while you were away either. That's how it goes. If he admits he was ever with anybody else; then you have no reason to be upset about it. Do you?
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